Imagine you’ve worked for a company for 10 year’s. You’ve been in the same position not because you lacked the experience to excel to the next level but, due to other criteria’s that you may or may not have met. In life I was always told that it is not what you know it is who you know. I tripped and fell on this logic the first few years of my working experience. Due to my own insecurities I wasn’t favored by management in nearly every position I’ve had. In high school I worked at Friendly’s and my co-workers treated me as if I were someone who deserved to be kicked down and forgotten about. I was ignored and it certainly did not make me feel worthy. I can now forgive them for I didn’t understand the role I played. As I grew older my walk with Christ solidified a different course for my purpose in the workforce. In the middle of my 20’s I was introduced to the idea of walking by faith and not by sight. While I am still young I am able to walk in the fullness of His grace by trusting in what is unseen.
One day in late December 2010 my cell phone rang. I was about to go into the movies to see the IMAX version of Disney’s Tron with my cousin. I answered the phone, its Wells Fargo. I was offered a position and would start after the New Year. I was so elated that night because I was unemployed and my unemployment benefits had just run out. I remember thinking how perfect God was at that moment. When January of 2011 hit I began working at Wells as a teller. After my training I was assigned to work at the Wells Fargo location in Jenkintown, Pa. I instantly connected with the Lead teller there and we are still great friends today. One day she and a few other employee’s told me that the service manager did not know how I was selected to work there because he did not hire me. I knew who did though, it was my Heavenly Father. My first year at Wells I became one of the top tellers in the Mont Co region. I was then promoted to work in back-office handling distributions internationally. In my second year I was promoted to work in International Check Collections. One piece of information that I recall hearing from fellow co-workers is that it was highly unlikely to obtain a position in back office. I was also told that you have to know someone in order to be considered for a position with corporate. In the back office of my mind I said, “Oh, but you don’t know the God I serve.”
After obtaining my Associate of Arts in Information Technology, I felt the need to shift my career towards something I worked very hard to get. My father was diagnosed with end-stage heart failure and from there the shift of hard times motivated me to follow what I felt was deemed right by God. I left Wells and began working for Comcast after taking a short leave to care for my father and what I can only call my own descent into suffering. On my first day at Comcast I was so happy and stricken with a feeling that I hadn’t experienced in a long while which was a, “Right time, Right place,” kind of feeling. I knew that working for Comcast was part of my destiny. Not to say I won’t always work for this wonderful company but, I understand that my path is meticulously crafted by God. As God seeks my heart I can feel a different kind of calling towards greener pastures. I credit this calling to my faith.
In my walk of faith I have stumbled many times but thankfully, it is God who orchestrates my life. God knew that one day I would say, “Yes Lord, have your way.” I have tried to live life according to my understanding for over 20 years and after all the dust had settled God was all that was left and I am happy to see that light by knowing God is all that I need. As a woman of faith I know God was not dismayed by me being lost in the wilderness. What has kept me progressing towards spiritually higher places was my faith through the love of Jesus Christ. The reason I hold my head high today is because I am confident in the covenant made by God that he became man to sacrifice His life for our sins. The word sin is not a dirty word, it only means the fall of man. The fall of man is linked to the feelings that arise when love is not in the midst. God’s love offers a forgiveness that encourages me to trust the covenant over my own understanding and work far beyond my will so that HIS will is the only thing that is done. Ladies and Gentleman I encourage you to reap the benefits of walking by faith and not by sight.
Thank you for visiting my page today. I hope this message will be able to encourage anyone that may be struggling with the subject of faith. It is natural to question God but, when you submit yourself as a student under God the spiritual disciplines will help you seek first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness (ref. Matthew 6:33 NIV). When you do this your new walk will be the evidence of all you cannot see. Deep down you’ll have this feeling that God is just and because of this whom shall you fear? Like this post and check out other Happiness Project archived blogs, comment below, follow me on my journey and share with the links attached.
Walk By Faith,
You are free once you release the giants in your mind. You never realize the beasts that are roaming free controlling your every thought until you try at something you love. Personally I love to write and sing. I also love to take ownership of new challenges. I am not a novice when it comes to maximizing the rewards of my life experiences. Every moment I was able to forgive I rewarded myself with key points to understand those I interact with daily. Those key points allow me to instantly love everyone I meet and the love I carry comes directly from the seeds of Jesus Christ. Like a stolen secret, I kept the things I loved locked inside of me. I chose the path of least resistant because I feared the outside world would not accept me.
Last night I went to bible study and surprisingly enough I went on the night of Baptism. God’s ways are unpredictable for when I arrived at the church and saw the title of the sermon, “A Different Kind of Fire”, I instantly knew that there would indeed be a message that was destined to sink into my heart to help carry me through every dark encounter. I have been a woman of weak faith up until the day I was baptized. Last night’s experience ran full circle to match the current level of my faith. As I watched many members be baptized one by one I felt like I too was dipped into the holy water with them. Every time I endure the fire it is Jesus who pulls me deep into the waters of God. That said, I am no longer afraid to be consumed because the flames I have are made of everlasting love. If something or someone is not for me then it will be removed or it will not happen; I am in firm agreement with this.
One of my dear friends is in Ministry and from afar I’ve always marveled the power of God in her life. To hear her powerful voice speak over the microphone confirmed a new level of faith I have been owning recently. After my baptism in 2005 I knew, thanks to Gods warning, that my son would be carried back to God. For one week I laid up in a hospital bed at Pennsylvania Hospital knowing that I would lose him. In the early morning hours of my birthday God told me that it was time. From the moment I was baptized I had read up to Micah in the bible at that time and for that reason I named my son Micah. Interestingly enough Micah’s prophecies were directed towards the people of Jerusalem and one of his prophecies revealed that the Messiah would be born in the town of Bethlehem. Naming my son Micah for me, meant that Jesus would be present at times when I don’t always feel him near.
As I gave birth to my son all I could hear was “You Survived” by James Fortune and Fiya. God speaks in the present and I want people to know that whatever you are going through all is well now. You can cry and ask why to God but, that level of faith will never allow you to accept that the fire is good for you. I play video games frequently and one of my vintage fav’s is Mario. When Mario collects the super star it makes him invincible and if you defeat many enemy’s you gain an extra life, a 1 up. The love of God makes me invincible. I speak power for anyone that has trouble believing that there are no weapons that are formed against you that will prosper. The struggle is over you just have to believe that what does not kill you will only make you stronger. I testify from my own experience that there is purpose in your situation. If something hurts let it because we are purposed for greatness!
Thank you for visiting and reading this blog and all other entries. I want to get this message out to anyone who is having trouble dealing with situations that weigh heavily on the heart. I want you to know that all is well NOW, you must speak whatever you desire into existence. Consider celebrating the hard times because the person on the other side of the fence is you. I declare in Jesus name that you have won the battle, please learn to react triumphantly. Like this post, leave your comments, follow The Happiness Project and share with the links below.
Walk Through the Fire,
Growing up I was always unsure of who I was and my place in the world. I did more than second guess my choices I sat back and allowed my life to follow a destructive path and for quite some time I called my actions love. I marveled the lives of other people like a child full of excitement outside of a department store’s Christmas display and like the most unlikely child I “Just knew” that I would never have a life of prosperity. I am thankful for new sight because I now understand that the outcome of what I can see comes directly from my heart. My heart has truly been a lonely hunter for so long that I began to believe that I was part of a race that God rejected. I lived in tune with the vibration I thought was my destiny. The friends I had or lack thereof taught me about the inner conditions of my world. My story continues today not by ending with my challenges but, by me proving to myself that it is God’s forgiveness which, has conquered all, that I am meant to see ALL that does not sit right with my spiritual being.
Once upon a time, I always loved hearing that at the beginning of a fairytale. I was always eager to read what challenges the main character would have to face and the perseverance that kept the resolution alive in their hearts. Life is a dream, I can say this proudly at 37 and it is up to us to remember that when all hope is lost that our dreams will never fade. Throughout every experience I told myself that I was never good enough until the day I realized by God’s design that the devil was already conquered. I am now able to appreciate the negative information given to me. Whatever I can see can and will be conquered if and when there is discord in my heart. My story does not end with a negative thought, it prospers as a congratulatory notification welcoming me to my next level.
The happily ever after in my story is what sums up everything I fight through to reach my fullest potential. My happily ever after resides in the actions I take to defeat indifference. Credit to my cousin, my mentor, for teaching me that every negative thought should be addressed and when addressed we should know that we have the right to make the choice on what controls us. I love being able to feel forgiveness when I was not able to comprehend the smudge on my lenses. I dust off the lies and see the truth with a brand new understanding that God’s gift was so that we could ALWAYS live an abundant life. I wake up every morning feeling blessed because the world has a different shade of possibilities for me and it is my prayer that everyone could be able to feel the same if not better!
Thank you for visiting my blog today. I want to know your Once Upon A Time story to discuss our experiences so that we can all move toward finding joy through all situations. Please share your thoughts, like this post and share using the links below. Also, follow me on this journey so together we can make a difference!
Has there ever been a time in your life when the world around you went completely dark and all you could see were the horrible results of the issues of your heart? The other night this happened to me. I couldn’t sleep at all because my mind was racing like an engine. I kept thinking about the book that I have been working on and then I thought about the possibility of my dreams never coming into existence. Though I was in the dark, my mind seemed to highlight where I am spiritually. I grasped a deeper meaning from the world within as it pertains to what I can visually account for. The credit I can withdraw from this awakening is appreciation for being able to understand faith more profoundly. In Hebrews 11:1 we are given wise counsel for our lives: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
When asked what do you see, what are the first words that come into your mind? For me and all human life forms that answer would be the landscape of what we can view with our eyes. To briefly explain I will add what I can see at this very moment while I am typing. First, I see the computer I am typing on and second I can gaze out of my window. Earlier this morning the clouds were dark and ominous like in an old black and white horror film. Rain was pouring down and after a while the condensation continued its travels across the northern sky. After an hour passed peace was once again restored for the sun is now shining and the sky is promisingly blue. My vision prophesied to me the truth of what life is to every being on the planet. In life storms will roll in and certain storms have a direct path of destruction but, one thing is certain storms fade away and whatever was destroyed can and will be renewed once more.
Our eyes don’t deceive us because our eyes tell the truth about the internal conditions of our heart as it pertains to the level of our faith. If your heart is filled with unforgiveness be prepared to have a life where your exterior will carry the spirit of unforgiveness through your experiences with others and even self-reflective unforgiveness. This works in the same manner for anger, lust, vanity, and love. God is a God of order so when you live with any indifference outside of Gods ordinance be prepared to pay a heavy price. For a very long time I did not understand this but, I am thankful to God that I can see with brand new eyes that what I can see tells me more about the battle I am fighting within. Defiance separates us from discipline and we will never reach our greatest potential with lack of self-control. We can choose to accept that our lives are under a Rulers hands that shows us mercy when we make the choice to accept His will for our lives or we can follow the laws of the flesh. From what I’ve collected through the word of God and personal experience, the wages of the flesh lead to sin and sin leads to death.
I am not certain if anyone else can live knowing that level of responsibility and continue to ignore the calling of the will of our Maker. I know that for me, God’s words have been in my heart since I was a little girl. I feared God as I should and through personal trials and tribulations I learned to trust in the Lord and to defend His Name. Jehovah Jireh is what I have learned throughout my life and I pray that whomever this message is meant to touch may the truth be written on their hearts today. Thank you Lord for using me and leading me into my calling. I thank and appreciate all who have read my entry today. Let’s start a discussion on what our surroundings are and how it may relate to how one may feel internally. Like this post, follow the Happiness Project and share with the links attached.
Live by Faith,
Yesterday I spoke to my inspiring and amazing cousin about how I’ve felt over the years about her. I honestly had to admit that for years I was jealous because I did not have the same opportunities and she was always highly favored by my Aunts and Uncles. For much of my time here on earth I was enslaved with feelings of inadequacy and the outlet for how I felt towards those whom I believed were blessed and loved by God misguided me towards my own self-hatred. From the outside you can look at someone else’s situation and believe that they have the easy life. That belief transformed into so many internal weaknesses throughout my years that I did not recognize the relationships that were impacted by my brokenness. A broken foundation has shown me many things and today I want to talk about Time Management.
I love video games, more so, I love the type of games which are action packed and permeated with clues. Final Fantasy VII and the first Resident Evil were the first two games that I’ve ever played which helped me to use my problem solving and time management skills. I love puzzles with clues that you have to courageously investigate to propel the character to the next level where the challenges for the main character elevate from level to level and ultimately impacts their skills. What makes me an effective role-playing gamer is my desire to resolve conflict. Role playing games help you to manage your time. A great RPG will include tasks which are time sensitive. With much appreciation to my cousin I have downloaded an app that helps me to be accountable for my time. In the past I’ve run into challenges which were difficult for me and because I did not find ways to be accountable for my time I wasted them by applying the “Woe is me” effect throughout every area of my life.
Not wanting to be a manipulator, I had to admit that I was responsible for how I felt about my life. I blamed others for thoughts of my own limitations because I believed that everyone spoke negatively when they saw my face or knew a minuscule amount of information about the deeds I’ve done in the dark. I can’t alter how I’ve felt in the past but, I can immediately take charge for my future by acknowledging my shortcomings. I long to live a full life regardless of the mistakes I’ve made and I believe the past has formed its own definition for a reason. After I’ve forgiven all discomforts I was able to move forward and assign my time appropriately. I’ve learned from failure that time is something that I have control of separate from the end of my time here on earth. Once again, thanks to my cousin accountability is enjoyable for me.
Our time is all we have and when we divide the minutes, seconds, and hours we are confronted with the truth of the importance of time. Time is the ultimate figure in our lives that we can see the immediate results of when we look at ourselves in the mirror or see the outer reflections of those who surround us. By developing daily schedules I discipline myself so that when I am faced with any difficulty I can overcome them by being accountable for my time. In my truth practicing accountability is new to me but, before I approached this practice I knew that I was in desperate need of discipline. I am thankful and grateful for providing explanations to myself for how I spend my time. Thanks to my cousins advisement I am no longer overruled by defeat for, defeat is only an opportunity for us to make amends with failure. Failure is a superficial word so we always have the opportunity to turn our circumstances around to make our prospective futures brighter.
Thank you for reading my blog today. Like this post, comment below and share with the links attached. If you are in agreement with my cause to unify happiness please follow me on my journey.
Be Accountable Always,
In a wicker basket chair my grandmother is seated in a painted picture frame overlooking the dining room. A place where all family gatherings should take place. The current state of the dining room is in grave danger. It now collects dust from the familial functions that once took place every thanksgiving and there are only shadows left from the gifts that were once passed along the dining room table. The spirit of love has a home and for me that home was always when I was surrounded by an abundance of God’s blessings through the art of sharing great cuisine. I can smell the stuffing and turkey now when I collect every memory of what once was sacred. How do I bring back the importance of my foundation? I listen to my grand mother’s voice in my head and she proclaims, “You must continue the tradition of lighting up the place where we bow our heads and give all thanks to God.”
A mission starts beyond any word I could say, it must begin with an action. My first act as the bearer of this responsibility is to remind myself of its importance. From my words I will begin the gathering for my family and friends to join me every Sunday in efforts to bring back the cornerstone of my ancestors. Before my grand mother passed she requested from God that she wanted her entire family to be present. She wanted a huge dinner so everyone could remember the importance of the spirit of togetherness. God granted her request and I swear on my own life that she was ordained to be one of God’s Angels. God marked a covenant with her that my family should pay close attention to for it states the strength of who we are and how we can powerfully impact the lives of those around us be it family or friend. Nothing harmful can remain through this covenant. I was blessed to see the truth of a promise God made with my grand mother and that truth is by seeing the image of true light that does not blind the naked eye.
I don’t always understand why I was chosen to see the things I’ve seen in this life but, there is one thing that is certain the vitality of my foundation is in the demands of a promise made long ago. I remember when the movie Soul Food premiered. With a different tale of love and family the part surrounding death was only the beginning for my story. I get to remain intact with a gift that was given to my family by God. I’ve always had an unconditional love for humanity and I’ve always believed that it is because I was raised to connect with those I love every Sunday and on every Holiday to share good meals and wonderful conversations. I accept and appreciate all that I am able to learn daily for it is all in Gods will that wisdom and knowledge continuously illuminate throughout my path. I thank God for my grand mother and I will continue to be living proof of her covenant with God.
Thank you so much for reading my blog today. What are some area’s in your life that strengthen you? Can you think of a person in your family that lets you know the power of who God is? Can you think of any covenant that may have to continue in you to either rebuild or continue to strengthen the foundation of your identity and maybe even the prosperity of humanity? Like this and all other entries, comment below and please share by using the links attached to this blog.
May Your Foundation Be Fortified,
For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.
Anger and unforgiveness have invaded my heart space like an outer world being coursing venom through my veins. As a result, my daily life has always been challenging. I’ve lived with depression for most of my life beginning with adolescence. I have always discovered new ways to be hard on myself by living out the lower end of my thoughts to the fullest. Like most of the masses I’m running on a treadmill. I can see the light but, there is never an end in sight. When I look to my left and to my right all I can see are brick walls covered in dust and surprisingly glitter. When I start believing that I’ve reached this archetypal destination I think I’ve won the battle but, to my own misfortune the destinations are only illusions. Defeat was my story and I realized that the lives around me tell me more about who I am and where I stand spiritually.
I always thought it was funny when I heard people say how the bible was contradictory. I’ve had many friends turn away from God based off disappointments or on the basis that religion itself is used to control the masses. I have to admit, I once believed that my faith had to be private because I feared that I would not be firm enough in the word of God to be a candidate by confirming all of what God has done for me. My fear made me vulnerable so I decided that I would explore different religions from Buddhism to Mysticism, to nearly Atheism I have tried them all in hopes of finding the Law of life, in hopes of finding the Truth about God and Jesus Christ. Every method I’ve tried has led me back to the light of God and to his Laws. I’ve learned a lot from my teacher and I know I have many stories ahead that I will be able to share with the ones I love. God has taught me that the eyes we are born with are crystal balls. Meaning, the results of what you see are determined by how you feel. I’ve had to learn the hard way that I must be held accountable for how I feel but, more importantly I must learn how to forgive myself immediately and not stay with the shame accountability can bring. The consequence, I can see the results of my internal world by the reflection of the world around me.
When I see my nephew, I see myself. He is a dreamer. He loves to play video games and has a knack for storytelling. He wants to be a YouTube Gamer and he believes in the best in everyone. I love him so much, he is my immediate reflection besides myself. When I see how upset he gets because he is teased at school I think, how I can help him get through what was hard for me to understand at his age. My only answer was to build him up by continuing to build myself up because I can’t love him the right way if I don’t love myself. I shower him with the infinite love of a nation and I encourage him daily so that he knows God adores him and when the idea of God’s love is tested I teach him to remember that I love him and it is God’s word in me that stands stronger than anything that he could ever face. With him being my immediate reflection I am able to heal the little girl who forgot how to dream.
My mother is my next immediate reflection. From her I can see the strong woman I have become. Through the many trials and tribulations that this woman has been through she still smiles. I can honestly say that it is because of her that I always put my happy face forward to let everyone know that the battle scars left a few victories and no matter what in the end I will always rise. Names reflect a powerful image of the different authorities in our life and mother is at the top of the list. My mother has lost a child, lost a home, had to raise adults and her grand-children, she had to work in an age of sexism and racism, she had to support us through many battles and the band plays on for this true Warrior Queen. By loving my mother more than anything in the world I am learning to love all of my imperfections. I would rather not be what the world’s definition of attractive is for, the secrets in me will always be my strongest assets. That strength is withdrawn by the reflection of my mother.
The final reflection for me is myself. I have seeded a plethora of ideas into my spirit. The world inside of me tells me to deny myself of self-love,generosity,kindness,guidance,acceptance,forgiveness,and motivation . What I see when I have no makeup on is a sad, sick, lonely depressed woman. By using makeup I apply layer after layer of artificial sweeteners. I look into the mirror and applaud myself for whomever I might fool each day. I put on the illusion of a happy face. What breaks the cycle of my own shortcomings is the connection between the child I was and the woman I must become. My reality is altered by fine-tuning the world within. The only way of doing this is by nurturing my nephew and appreciating my mother so that, my immediate reflections brings forth a new woman who Loves God and holds her head high like a child on Christmas morning proudly pronouncing unto the world how great God he has been to me.
Life is a journey and if we are lucky we will find ourselves and our life purpose. God made me special and I see just how special through my mother and my nephew. We all have been called by God to live. Let love teach you who you are so you can understand by using your reflections as your guide. I am grateful for the all that is necessary to catapult me to the next level of my life. A life where my parents can witness Gods great works in me. I want my niece and nephew to prosper by learning to trust in God alone for, this world will disappoint and misguide you if you aren’t aware of the power God gave you. The reflections we meet with daily are only the outcome of the internal war present in every living being. Take care of your reflections.
Thank you for reading this post today. I hope that you enjoy my findings in the lessons I’ve learned and will continue to learn. I testify that we don’t need to find fortune tellers to tell us about our future. Our future is determined by the seeds we plant each day inside our memories. Take a review of your memories and see how it affects your heart by paying attention to your reflections. Like and comment on this post, follow me on my journey and share with the links below. Our true reflection will always be the results of our faith.
Sometimes my mind moves slow, kind of like molasses. The words I have to say are thick and I get stuck sometimes because I worry about how I will sound when the words come out. I’ve learned somewhere a long time ago that we are to sacrifice for one another. I also read that in order to be a good Christian we are supposed to be submissive to one another. I believe that I have become the type of person where people see me as a gullible easy target and they easily dump their hatred on me because I am completely forgiving. Today I am 37. I was born October 17th 1980 in Philadelphia, Pa at Parkview Hospital located in the Frankfort section of Philadelphia. My dad worked there as a diagnostic technician. I don’t remember the times when he did work because he stopped working when I was a baby. Let’s just say he worked in Hospitals when people could smoke inside of them. He used to tell me about the wild parties he and his co-workers used to have. He used to always joke around about the paraphernalia and booze they had at their parties. Growing up I saw my parents as the King and Queen of Disco.
Our basement on 11th street in the Logan section of Philly was decked out with a huge bar and a kick-ass shower. As we grew older the basement started to smell like rotting water and the house started to sink. You could see the house separating from where the kitchen and the laundry room were connected. If we did not move out of that house the back room would have been destroyed because the entire back-end of the house was sinking. As if I rewound my life back to the past before the sinking began I can see all of my fond childhood memories up until I was 12 years of age in that house. I remember dreaming of becoming a pop star in my sister’s room every time she was away at a friend’s house. I can see me and my sister raising our pet guinea pigs. I named my guinea pig after this Hispanic boy named Christopher I used to like in 1st and 2nd grade. His mother looked like Peggy Bundy and his dad was a black janitor at our school, Bernie Elementary. I once got beat up by two young boys in front of him. I was actually pretty good at handling them both until I saw Christopher. I guess I should have known then that boys/men would be a lot of trouble for me. My childhood memories are fond and sacred. Most of my spiritual life was cultivated when I was young. In fact I began reading the Bible when I was 9 so that I could understand why God took my grandmother away. I was terrified of God. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I understood what it means when it says in the word of God that Fearing the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom(Proverbs 9:10). I guess God decided to introduce knowledge and wisdom to me at a very young age. I feared God so much that it lead me to live a life of sacrifice. I used to be open to the idea of putting myself aside and never second guessing any negative consequences. God taught me how to love others but, what about love for myself? The answer is simple, God did teach me how to love myself when he gave me the passion for writing and the love of music. Also, when God created me he made me different and I see now that it is a difference worth embracing. I am not supposed to look like anyone else but me. I also love nature and I really love when I can help others. However, lately God has been telling me that I need to be selfish. I think I can remember being told this before when I started to lose control of my own thoughts back in my early 20’s. I cared more of what someone else had to say over what I had to say. My voice I kept silent for I feared that the words that flowed through my mouth would only sound imprudent. I believed that since I was never pretty then I would never matter. So, I started to pay less attention to myself.
I struggled for years with stuttering and I lived my life second guessing every word that came out of my mouth. I whole-heartedly believed that someone else would think I was ill-advised. In my life, people told me that I what I had to say was wrong and I that should learn the facts by watching the news and trusting every credible source. My political views were mine own and I had my individual take on religion and education. I was always somewhat of a rebel. I’ve always thought that loving the whole world was possible. Yes, even those who have done wrong. The bible has taught me that true judgement can only come from God though we all individually have the power to discern the spirits. Now at 37, I see clearly that LOVE is what will solve every issue on this planet but, it is not up to us to decide which way the wind blows. It is up to us to decide which forces we want to align. Work under the forces of dark or be used by the power light; this is our daily choice. Sometimes life is unexpected. What happens is not important. Our future is measured by the actions we take today and I am happy that I’ve learned that it begins with what I think. I lived my life from 26-36 believing that I could manage my life without God. God showed himself in between through all of my hardships but, I wanted to think that I had the power to maintain who I was. I was sorely mistaken but, with Gods infinite wisdom he has forgiven me. I feel his love radiate throughout my thoughts every time I decide to write a poem, a song, or when I blog.
You can fall a million times and God will always be open to forgive you. This morning I said a prayer to ask God to move heavily on my mind so that I can learn to forgive myself. I am extremely apologetic when I don’t have the right words to say or if, when compared to others, I lack attraction. I truly don’t believe that God allowed me to make it to 37 to be comfortable with believing that I am to be a failure. With all the wrong I have done I know that somewhere I was able to implement diligence in my walk. More than ever I care what I have to say and my story will be told through my perspective. I began this blog thinking of my family because they are my foundation aside from God. When my childhood home was demolished my childhood stories went down with the house. I once believed that when a home was gone so were all of its stories but, I am happy that is not the case. When my family moved to a new section in the city I thought I had lost the feeling of being a dreamer. Where the sun can’t shine there is only a shadow blocking its trajectory. I realized that even though my home on 11th street was no longer standing any new home after is built upon the same structure. When I connect every home I’ve ever lived in my story has a flow that only myself and God can comprehend.
I am grateful to make it to 37. I understand that though my life has taken many turns away from grace I had to hit rock bottom to be pulled back into Gods warm embrace. In the end I can say with confidence that life is a mellifluous melody and when the tune sounds drastic it is important to not lose faith in God. For those who don’t believe in God, I believe for you that there is a higher power that will help you weather the storms in life. There is nothing we can do to stop a storm but, we can monitor our reactions through them. Thank you for listening to this 37 year olds ramblings today. I am truly grateful to have an opinion of my life up until this point and I pray that I have many more life lessons to add as I learn to selfishly love myself. Happy Birthday to me, by God’s grace I am wonderfully made.
Like this post, leave a comment below and follow me on the Happiness Project. Also, feel free to share with the links below. Today, I am celebrating 37 years of my own history.
Learn to Play and be Happy,
New International Version
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Everyday I am faced with challenges and then I say to myself, who am I kidding we are all faced with challenges but, life is for me to navigate and my heart and my mind are mines to manage. How many times do we allow situations to cloud our judgement? What I have to say today can only be explained through example. Anger, sadness, aggravation, confusion, disappointment, any negative emotion will hinder your success in this life. Last year I proved how true this was. It was April 2016, I was in a relationship with my ex and I was, in lack of better works, happy. My ex, who I will not slander his name, was involved in a love triangle. It was me, the mother of his most recent child and another girl whom I will call Amanda. His involvement with us all created a bomb and when it exploded I crumbled. I was incredibly angry and that fuel led to my revenge. Nothing could influence me to change how I felt. I wanted this man to pay for what he did and I definitely was open for him to hate me for the rest of his life. I called the mother of his youngest child because I knew that she did not like Amanda and I called Amanda and she had explained to me that she and my ex had been seeing each other again.
I felt betrayed and more so, I felt that he had betrayed three beautiful queens in the process. In my mind this man had to be exposed and nothing could sway me from letting these women know that he was selfish and up to no good. My intentions were good but, the turn out was not what I expected. Both of the women chose to continue to believe his lies and my reward, I was the villain who could have separated a man and his child. That’s how the story was told. I was lied to and there was a lot of untruths spread about my character and I choked. I lost my ability to see straight for, anger was the king in clouding my judgement. Today, I stay to myself much of the time because there is too much of myself I do not trust without God. The word of God tells us to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and I believe that the task is so simple if only we can learn to throw our selfish understanding to the way-side.
Everyday our bodies are fueled by different chemicals which create human emotion. Everyday certainly there is someone in the world who is angry, sad, happy, sleepy, exhausted, confused and so on. We as a people have given so many definitions of how one feels at any given moment. Growing up I was always told to respond to what I was feeling. Like an untamed animal I was quick to grow angry, I let every act of unkindness draw me to tears that led to a broken heart and I have been overwhelmed with delight when life tends to go the way I would like. I finally realize that each emotion I felt, though ok, made me a puppet to circumstance. Yesterday I asked myself how many situations have I experienced that have caused me to lose my head? I know that’s a number that I will never be able to answer but, there is one thing that is certain, I must take ownership for how I feel because it heavily influences my success or failure.
I want to be on the winning team and the first step for guarding my heart and mind was to take responsibility for how I feel because me and only me can effect how my life will play out. When my ex was being selfish I can see now that his selfishness had nothing to do with me. I knew he had been unfaithful to me in the past but, what doesn’t hurt is the fact that though I was apart of his schemes to control what he wanted I had the power to walk away or continue to involve myself with someone who only made me feel like less of a person. For a very long time I thought that because I was unattractive on the surface I had to be with people who never valued me. I once allowed others to have so much influence over my thoughts and actions. The first step of me taking responsibility for how I felt was tough but, now I definitely have a better perspective of the choices that are presented to my emotional state. I have a better understanding of how the chain of thought works and it all starts with taking ownership of what I allow to process through my mind on a daily basis.
After I asked myself what am I thinking and how do I feel I realizes that I must have a foundation. I grew up in a Christian family and like most Christians my family heavily relies on prayer. Something inside me switched on the other day. Like a light bulb I was reminded that Jesus not only came so that we could have an abundant life, he also courageously sacrificed himself so that we would not have to experience the pain of the cross as much. Our negative emotions like despair are all apart of the sacrifice. A person can lose all they have and the loss will cut deep like a knife but, with God you must have an attitude of knowing that God is all you need. God is in all of us and that speaks plainly to me that with God I can do all things through Christ Jesus. This includes placing my heart and mind in my master hands. When we have no foundation we fall and I’ve seen and experienced the results of placing trust on my ability to be my own foundation. Trusting only you will lead to pride and pride is what comes before the fall.
The final bridge to guarding my heart and mind was to learn to have gratitude and to pray unceasingly. Every time we are grateful we activate new cells in our brain which leads to more positive experiences in our life. When we speak negatively it activates cells that lead to more negative experiences. Being grateful forces me to step outside of my boundaries of thought patterns. When I pray I am consciously giving thanks for all the functions of my body, the people in my life, and every experience that I have been through be it good or bad. Since I’ve been practicing gratitude I can attest to the miracles that have followed. Amazingly gratefulness causes me to feel inclined to be used by God to help and love others. It is an amazing feeling to want to be used to seed God’s light and love to infect positive change in the life others. Prayer and gratitude lets me know that God’s plans are perfect and whatever I ask for has already been received in Jesus’ name. My heart and mind are protected by the grace of God when I prayer and give thanks.
In conclusion personal condemnation may be necessary for one to assume responsibility for how one feels. Once you take responsibility you can then immediately forgive yourself and then build a foundation with a higher power. With no foundation or only placing yourself as the foundation you can fall. The flesh is never to be trusted because when you trust yourself it leads to pride and as I have already said pride comes before the fall. Finally, we are nothing without prayer and gratitude. Gratefulness and prayer gives you peace of mind. One sure way to make peace with how you feel is to learn to be grateful for everything and as the blessings follow you open up a whole new world to be in a place to help others. That to me is the key to a having a happy life in this multi-perceptive world we live in. In this life you will lose people and possessions because those are the elements we have no control over. We are responsible for ourselves and no one else and knowing this places a heavy responsibilty on our daily lives. It is up to us to decide if it is important to guard our hearts and our minds. Just ask yourself do you want to always be controlled by circumstances outside of your own control or do you want to have the possibility of living an abundant life on your terms?
Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish for everyone to learn how to control their hearts and minds. It is a rewarding feeling to be connected to a powerful God whose words have always managed to stick to my heart. I’ve seen lives transform before my eyes when the heart and mind are placed in the right hands. When I made the decision to place nothing above God my walk began to transform and my words began to continually produce abundance. I understand that we live in a society that constantly battles over the control of the human mind but, what I have learned is that we can be in the world and not of it. Meaning, this life, this battle we can holds our heads a little higher when we understand that we were born to be free. Nothing is more freeing than placing the heart and mind in unconditional hands.
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