What I Choose

This morning I was listening to a song by one of my favorite bands, Forget the Lies by Quietdrive. I have been on a downward spiral in regards to my personal success. My turn-around began yesterday when I talked to my cousin. The reason for my journey for finding joy through all things was because I wanted to be able to overcome the lies that I’ve lived with for most of my life. My cousin told me that these lies were only conversations and what matters in the end are my intentions. Nearly in tears while speaking with her I reviewed so many demons that I’ve allowed to conquer my mind. I’ve declared countlessly that I was never enough and I let my past thoughts rule my every thought process. In the song the lead singer magnificently belts out lyrics that seem to hit every vibration of what is true. In the Bible Paul writes:

Philippians 4:8 New International Version (NIV)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

This Bible verse directs you to the storehouse of how we should handle matters of depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, illness, and all confrontations against things that are true. Today I would like to discuss what I choose.

Proverbs 18:21 New International Version (NIV)

21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.

 

This is a biblical verse that I meditate on when things are going well in my life but, not so much through hard times. I believe that this verse is intended for the difficulties we face and it gives us the manual on how we respond initially to hardships. Everything we say delivers instant manifestation. Meaning, the words we speak and the meditations of our hearts instantly pours out what life will be. I had the tendency to speak death upon my life repetitively that it became routine. I have lived with the spirit of depression and didn’t realize that I was making the choice to not praise my worthiness. When people made fun of me or when I was rejected it was a result of the personal conversations I had with myself. What held me back was me alone. Each day we are all faced with the decision to live a life of lack or live abundantly, it is our choice.

 

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 New International Version (NIV)

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

What I choose in regards to spiritual attacks is to pray, read the word of God, fellowship with others and live a life of accountability. I no longer want depression to rule my every thought. We are all entranced by the history of the story of our lives and many of us don’t realize we control our destiny, we control what is to come. The only way I am going to defeat depression and low self-esteem is by living a life where faith is my only sight. Life has so much to offer and we hold the power to resist the devil and stand on every promise of God. Immediately after the holidays I became physically ill and immediately after my recovery the battle continued in my mind. I chose not to write my blogs because I believed in the lies of my old life. With God I have been made whole. This tells me that I am more than a conqueror and that there is no weapon that can ever be formed against me that will prosper. The battle will never be over until God says that it is over. In the end my life is what I choose not what others choose for me. I control my fate when it is placed in my Father’s hands.

 

James 4:7 New International Version (NIV)

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

In this verse the children of God are instructed to resist the devil but, most importantly we must submit ourselves to God and the devil will flee from us. When my focus is not on my true purpose the devil comes to encourage false information that God does not love me and I am not enough. He has told me that I should end my life, keep my head down and be afraid of others. The devil is the father of lies and I am happy to say this: He has no power over me. My power is stored in the house of my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I expect to be tempted even when I am on top. I know there will be days where I will want to through in the towel but, my options will never go back to the lies which once ruled my thoughts and my heart. Quitting is no longer an option.

Romans 3:23 New International Version (NIV)

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

What this means to me is that God’s glory holds all the power and He has gifted us all to take part in his glory. However our nature gets in the way of God’s glory. It is so important for us all to never accept a low vibrational thoughts as truth. They are not apart of God’s glory. These thoughts lead to sin and we all know that sin leads to death.

Romans 6:23 New International Version (NIV)

23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.

We are living out a spiritual promise and it is our duty to allow God to fulfill His promises in us. I am the first to say that the road through life is not easy but, I can affirm once more that trouble won’t follow when you don’t create it. What we say is more than words. What we say are instant manifestations of our ultimate reality. A choice is more than vapor and I implore you to choose a life where limitations do not exist. Thank you for visiting my site today and reading todays entry. As we move closer to the holidays there is a spark that moves inside of me which makes me proud to be the founder of the Happy Nappy Project (Happiness Project) and it is my hope to encourage anyone who feels like they may not be enough. I’ve always believed that no degree is required to help a fellow human. We are all born under the same design. When we are down and out healing takes place with love for we are NOT broken. I am on a mission!  If you like this post and my site please join me on this mission today! Like this post, read other entries comment on this post and share with the links bellows.

Live knowing that the choices you make can lead to life or lead to death.

With Gratitude,

Miya

 

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The Stronghold of Doubt Cast Over Me

Matthew 21:21 New International Version (NIV)

21 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.

There are so many strongholds placed on my spirit daily. Doubt and fear have always seemed to conquer my actions and the force of the two stir constantly inside of me. How I feel at this present moment makes me think about what Paul wrote in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I literally hate that fear and doubt sometimes feel like uncontrollable emotions. Lack of faith is a sin against God. God’s word teaches us to fear not and to not doubt, these are two emotions that we can control. I struggle with allowing God to take full control over my weaknesses. I have concluded that it is Christ who makes me strong. When I am weak I must hand my cross over to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I also must remain spiritually fed in his word and for the sake of encouragement I must speak life into every shadow I face.

I used to heavily convince myself that I was punished by God for every sin I’ve ever committed. Every time I was on the right track the road would grow narrow and I fell away from God’s grace. I lost my faith in God and I blamed Him for my misery. Even today I struggle with my unbelief. After I lost everything I owned including the life of my son I was forced to move back in with my parents. For years I felt like a burden because when my depression surfaced I would go to a place that was very hard to pull myself out of. As a result I tried to commit suicide because I believed God hated everything about me. All around me friends and family members would be blessed while I was trapped in a reality where everything was taken from me. It is difficult for me to express how it feels to be an outcast but, I describe it as feeling unloved and unwanted and as a result to those feelings I start to believe the forces of the entire world are against me.

What lifts me back up is when I declare thankfulness to God. I also think of my nephew and how I would feel if he had similar feelings. With Gods guidance I began to thank God for the removal of a spirit that He did not give to me in the first place. I speak over my own thoughts and combat the negative thoughts with the word of God. I believe that God allows me to have these feelings not because He doesn’t love me but, because he wants to show me that I am not in alignment with His promises and He has given me the authority to speak His word over the dark forces that go against me. God pulls me back in when fear and doubt begin to hinder me and I thank Him for this.

When you are afraid or when you have doubts let that be a reminder that those feelings are not a gifted spirit from God but, of the devil. God gives us the authority to cast out negative spirits. Fear and Doubt are apart of human nature and our relationship with sin but, Thanks be to Jesus Christ we don’t have to stop at that connection. We are set free and given the authority to speak over the devil and over ourselves. Encouragement is only a challenge when you don’t know the power you are born with. God will guide you back into his loving grace if you allow Him. I want to encourage anyone who may be dealing with depression or thoughts of suicide. How you feel is valid but, the only way to pull yourself up is to know your power! Know that if you are alive it is not the end, there is purpose in your situation and I believe that the God I know that rains on the just and unjust will see that you prosper. Have faith and be courageous as you walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

Be Bold,

Miya

Confrontations, A Good Thing?

James 1:3-4 The Message (MSG)

Faith Under Pressure

2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Confrontations invoke the fight or flight mechanism. Daily I scroll through Facebook reading various posts from family and friends. Quite often people vent using social media as a cathartic method. Even from myself there are moans and groans that pour out all the issues of life which can be too much for the heart to bear. As a result people either draw closer to God, question Him or rebuke Him. Sometimes I have to ask myself the question, “Does God even owe me anything?” The answer is, No God doesn’t. God takes a bad rep for the problems we must face. There is a river that flows out of the heart and it travels directly to the mind. Once the mind is contested with passion all power lies in what we say. Do we speak from our deceitful hearts? Or do we accept the challenge to ride the storm with courage and praise? I say we should hold our heads high and praise God through the storms because God has granted us the gift to overcome any adversity we must face in order to grow stronger in Him and walk in fullness of our purpose.

Easier said than done but, understand this: There is purpose in your problem. Whenever I am faced with a crisis I pay special attention to my reactions. How I react displays the level of my faith. It is easy to trust God when all is well but, when faced with difficulty many of us will find a hole to crawl into or we look for others to join our party of misery. There is so much power in the unseen realm. I know this is true because I consider my own weaknesses when I am faced with the issues of life. When men have been rude towards me I internalized their behavior but, what I discovered that was most interesting is that internally I mirrored their ignorance prior to the unfortunate exchange. I’ve now come to the conclusion that I did not love myself and it was God who allowed me to endure the mistreatment of others so that I could see that I was the thief of my own joy. I didn’t stop there though I began to see all of my troubles in this light so that I could better understand the level of my faith. Pandemonium can sometimes trick us into thinking that the world owes us something. I thought this way for a very long time. I tripped and stumbled as a result by blaming every person and thing outside of myself. What bothers me is this: I am not the only one and I know the solution lies in where we place our trust.

God delivers me from what I am not able to understand and I trust that He is a way maker. Whatever I must face is with a purpose to build who Christ needs me to be. Spiritual wellness comes when we trust that God has a plan. God never promised that we would not face dark moments. In fact, God ensures us we will be challenged with much adversity more so when we decide to pick up our cross and follow Christ. I pray for your encouragement through the fire because it will most certainly make you stronger and force you out of focusing solely on what you can’t control. Speak power to what you must face and get excited knowing that you have already won the battle. Also, be mindful of the tricks of the serpent. The devil will always be there to test our faith in God. Don’t let your faith fall to the wayside. Faith is there so we can grow stronger in trusting God. With earnest intentions I urge for you to smile and give thanks. Giving thanks to God combats the devil and his tricks.

Thank you for reading this post today. Follow the Happiness Project, like this post and share with the links below.

Walk by Faith and Not by Sight,

Miya

Why I am Thankful for Judgment

Why must we take baby steps when walking towards our destiny? Obtaining my heart’s content has always felt like placing my feet in crystal clear water, I can feel the healing and nearly see the correct path but, then I give up because there is an enormous rock that separates me from what I want. As if in a dream I take a chisel and try to sculpt whats below me instead of creating a way to remove the barrier indefinitely. In my life I have always looked outwardly so, like most of us I’ve been very quick to judge. I worked tirelessly to make a masterpiece of the rock below me just to discover my own judgement. I’ve crafted Pompeii and like the infamous event in history my spiritual work crumbled. I settled with ancient civilizations within myself due to fear of making life anew for the sake of saving my soul and actually achieving the deepest parts of who I am.
Like most American’s I was born of Christian faith. Being part of the African-American experience has really deepened my relationship with God. Adding personal trails into the mix solidified my union with Christ. One day I looked down below me and could see that it was only God that could remove my struggle. I accepted Christ at an early age. The first thing I felt when I truly heard His name was fear. I knew that God had the power to take me away when He was ready. My fear of God called me into wanting to know who God was. When I began the book of Genesis I saw the things God created. His word formed the heavens and the earth and it was good. God then created life and with it a special kind of man in his likeness. After I read this I was fascinated by God. I thought, “How amazing that I have a Father that gives and takes but, with forgiveness provides a solution for human sin and that solution is Jesus Christ.”
Loving God has taught me to examine myself. When I began to examine who I was I got lost in the value of having a concrete relationship with God. My self-examination nearly drove me to settle with who I was vs who God wanted me to be. I used to believe that if I wasn’t mentally adept, I was worthless. When I redefined what worthless was I became less for God and now I am able to push through habitual forces of my ego. I love that I am now in a place of only trusting God above my own understanding. To stay consistent I keep the word of God with me at all times and I know that Jesus is in my heart operating for me when I am weak. I pray often and I trust in God’s plan above my own. The creator of heaven and earth can’t go wrong because I know my fate was predestined.
Being judged by man and judging ourselves should draw us closer to God. When my mind ignites judgement towards someone else I look inside and ask for God’s correction. When I judge myself I seek God’s provisions by understanding His love for me and thanks to His love I am forgiven. God’s forgiveness helps me to exonerate my temporary perceptions of lack. We are all created by a perfect God which makes us perfectly and wonderfully made. When you want to remove obstruction consider following after the love of your creator. The heart of man wars against God so, try to remember this when testing the validity of the covenant. In the Book of Romans Chapter 7 we discover the true war that we face. Our flesh is in bondage with sin and that makes us war against the laws of God.
Thank you for visiting the happiness project and for reading my post today. This journey has allowed me to yearn for God. To be honest, I introduced this blog with alternative expectations and praise be to God through Jesus Christ I was led back into God’s warm embrace. Like this post, leave a comment and share with this links below. As I continually call for God’s judgement it is my prayer that you find peace and hold onto the true definition of love.

Blessings,

Miya

In My Dining Room

In a wicker basket chair my grandmother is seated in a painted picture frame overlooking the dining room. A place where all family gatherings should take place. The current state of the dining room is in grave danger. It now collects dust from the familial functions that once took place every thanksgiving and there are only shadows left from the gifts that were once passed along the dining room table. The spirit of love has a home and for me that home was always when I was surrounded by an abundance of God’s blessings through the art of sharing great cuisine. I can smell the stuffing and turkey now when I collect every memory of what once was sacred. How do I bring back the importance of my foundation? I listen to my grand mother’s voice in my head and she proclaims, “You must continue the tradition of lighting up the place where we bow our heads and give all thanks to God.”

A mission starts beyond any word I could say, it must begin with an action. My first act as the bearer of this responsibility is to remind myself of its importance. From my words I will begin the gathering for my family and friends to join me every Sunday in efforts to bring back the cornerstone of my ancestors. Before my grand mother passed she requested from God that  she wanted her entire family to be present. She wanted a huge dinner so everyone could remember the importance of the spirit of togetherness. God granted her request and I swear on my own life that she was ordained to be one of God’s Angels. God marked a covenant with her that my family should pay close attention to for it states the strength of who we are and how we can powerfully impact the lives of those around us be it family or friend. Nothing harmful can remain through this covenant. I was blessed to see the truth of a promise God made with my grand mother and that truth is by seeing the image of true light that does not blind the naked eye.

I don’t always understand why I was chosen to see the things  I’ve seen in this life but, there is one thing that is certain the vitality of my foundation is in the demands of a promise made long ago. I remember when the movie Soul Food premiered. With a different tale of love and family the part surrounding death was only the beginning for my story. I get to remain intact with a gift that was given to my family by God. I’ve always had an unconditional love for humanity and I’ve always believed that it is because I was raised to connect with those I love every Sunday and on every Holiday to share good meals and wonderful conversations. I accept and appreciate all that I am able to learn daily for it is all in Gods will that wisdom and knowledge continuously illuminate throughout my path. I thank God for my grand mother and I will continue to be living proof of her covenant with God.

Thank you so much for reading my blog today. What are some area’s in your life that strengthen you? Can you think of a person in your family that lets you know the power of who God is? Can you think of any covenant that may have to continue in you to either rebuild or continue to strengthen the foundation of your identity and maybe even the prosperity of humanity?  Like this and all other entries, comment below and please share by using the links attached to this blog.

May Your Foundation Be Fortified,

Miya

The Day I Saw My Reflection

James 1:23-25

For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

Anger and unforgiveness have invaded my heart space like an outer world being coursing venom through my veins. As a result, my daily life has always been challenging. I’ve lived with depression for most of my life beginning with adolescence. I have always discovered new ways to be hard on myself by living out the lower end of my thoughts to the fullest. Like most of the masses I’m running on a treadmill. I can see the light but, there is never an end in sight. When I look to my left and to my right all I can see are brick walls covered in dust and surprisingly glitter. When I start believing that I’ve reached this archetypal destination I think I’ve won the battle but, to my own misfortune the destinations are only illusions. Defeat was my story and I realized that the lives around me tell me more about who I am and where I stand spiritually.

I always thought it was funny when I heard people say how the bible was contradictory. I’ve had many friends turn away from God based off disappointments or on the basis that religion itself is used to control the masses. I have to admit, I once believed that my faith had to be private because I feared that I would not be firm enough in the word of God to be a candidate by confirming all of what God has done for me. My fear made me vulnerable so I decided that I would explore different religions from Buddhism to Mysticism, to nearly Atheism I have tried them all in hopes of finding the Law of life, in hopes of finding the Truth about God and Jesus Christ. Every method I’ve tried has led me back to the light of God and to his Laws.  I’ve learned a lot from my teacher and I know I have many stories ahead that I will be able to share with the ones I love. God has taught me that the eyes we are born with are crystal balls.  Meaning, the results of what you see are determined by how you feel. I’ve had to learn the hard way that I must be held accountable for how I feel but, more importantly I must learn how to forgive myself immediately and not stay with the shame accountability can bring. The consequence,  I can see the results of my internal world by the reflection of the world around me.

When I see my nephew, I see myself. He is a dreamer. He loves to play video games and has a knack for storytelling. He wants to be a YouTube Gamer and he believes in the best in everyone. I love him so much, he is my immediate reflection besides myself. When I see how upset he gets because he is teased at school I think, how I can help him get through what was hard for me to understand at his age. My only answer was to build him up by continuing to build myself up because I can’t love him the right way if I don’t love myself. I shower him with the infinite love of a nation and I encourage him daily so that he knows God adores him and when the idea of God’s love is tested I teach him to remember that I love him and it is God’s word in me that stands stronger than anything that he could ever face. With him being my immediate reflection I am able to heal the little girl who forgot how to dream.

My mother is my next immediate reflection. From her I can see the strong woman I have become. Through the many trials and tribulations that this woman has been through she still smiles. I can honestly say that it is because of her that I always put my happy face forward to let everyone know that the battle scars left a few victories and no matter what in the end I will always rise. Names reflect a powerful image of the different authorities in our life and mother is at the top of the list. My mother has lost a child, lost a home, had to raise adults and her grand-children, she had to work in an age of sexism and racism, she had to support us through many battles and the band plays on for this true Warrior Queen. By loving my mother more than anything in the world I am learning to love all of my imperfections. I would rather not be what the world’s definition of attractive is for, the secrets in me will always be my strongest assets. That strength is withdrawn by the reflection of my mother.

The final reflection for me is myself. I have seeded a plethora of ideas into my spirit. The world inside of me tells me to deny myself of self-love,generosity,kindness,guidance,acceptance,forgiveness,and motivation . What I see when I have no makeup on is a sad, sick, lonely depressed woman. By using makeup I apply layer after layer of artificial sweeteners. I look into the mirror and applaud myself for whomever I might fool each day. I put on the illusion of a happy face. What breaks the cycle of my own shortcomings is the connection between the child I was and the woman I must become. My reality is altered by fine-tuning the world within. The only way of doing this is by nurturing my nephew and appreciating my mother so that, my immediate reflections brings forth a new woman who Loves God and holds her head high like a child on Christmas morning proudly pronouncing unto the world how great God he has been to me.

Life is a journey and if we are lucky we will find ourselves and our life purpose. God made me special and I see just how special through my mother and my nephew. We all have been called by God to live. Let love teach you who you are so you can understand by using your reflections as your guide. I am grateful for the all that is necessary to catapult me to the next level of my life. A life where my parents can witness Gods great works in me. I want my niece and nephew to prosper by learning to trust in God alone for, this world will disappoint and misguide you if you aren’t aware of the power God gave you. The reflections we meet with daily are only the outcome of the internal war present in every living being. Take care of your reflections.

Thank you for reading this post today. I hope that you enjoy my findings in the lessons I’ve learned and will continue to learn. I testify that we don’t need to find fortune tellers to tell us about our future. Our future is determined by the seeds we plant each day inside our memories. Take a review of your memories and see how it affects your heart by paying attention to your reflections. Like and comment on this post, follow me on my journey and share with the links below. Our true reflection will always be the results of our faith.

Be Well,

Miya

The Inner Ramblings of a 37 Year Old

Sometimes my mind moves slow, kind of like molasses. The words I have to say are thick and I get stuck sometimes because I worry about how I will sound when the words come out. I’ve learned somewhere a long time ago that we are to sacrifice for one another. I also read that in order to be a good Christian we are supposed to be submissive to one another. I believe that I have become the type of person where people see me as a gullible easy target and they easily dump their hatred on me because I am completely forgiving. Today I am 37. I was born October 17th 1980 in Philadelphia, Pa at Parkview Hospital located in the Frankfort section of Philadelphia. My dad worked there as a diagnostic technician.  I don’t remember the times when he did work because he stopped working when I was a baby. Let’s just say he worked in Hospitals when people could smoke inside of them. He used to tell me about the wild parties he and his co-workers used to have. He used to always joke around about the paraphernalia and booze they had at their parties. Growing up I saw my parents as the King and Queen of Disco.

Our basement on 11th street in the Logan section of Philly was decked out with a huge bar and a kick-ass shower. As we grew older the basement started to smell like rotting water and the house started to sink. You could see the house separating from where the kitchen and the laundry room were connected. If we did not move out of that house the back room would have been destroyed because the entire back-end of the house was sinking. As if I rewound my life back to the past before the sinking began I can see all of my fond childhood memories up until I was 12 years of age in that house. I remember dreaming of becoming a pop star in my sister’s room every time she was away at a friend’s house. I can see me and my sister raising our pet guinea pigs. I named my guinea pig after this Hispanic boy named Christopher I used to like in 1st and 2nd grade. His mother looked like Peggy Bundy and his dad was a black janitor at our school, Bernie Elementary. I once got beat up by two young boys in front of him. I was actually pretty good at handling them both until I saw Christopher. I guess I should have known then that boys/men would be a lot of trouble for me. My childhood memories are fond and sacred. Most of my spiritual life was cultivated when I was young. In fact I began reading the Bible when I was 9 so that I could understand why God took my grandmother away. I was terrified of God. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I understood what it means when it says in the word of God that Fearing the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom(Proverbs 9:10). I guess God decided to introduce knowledge and wisdom to me at a very young age. I feared God so much that it lead me to live a life of sacrifice. I used to be open to the idea of putting myself aside and never second guessing any negative consequences. God taught me how to love others but, what about love for myself? The answer is simple, God did teach me how to love myself when he gave me the passion for writing and the love of music. Also, when God created me he made me different and I see now that it is a difference worth embracing. I am not supposed to look like anyone else but me. I also love nature and I really love when I can help others. However, lately God has been telling me that I need to be selfish. I think I can remember being told this before when I started to lose control of my own thoughts back in my early 20’s. I cared more of what someone else had to say over what I had to say. My voice I kept silent for I feared that the words that flowed through my mouth would only sound imprudent. I believed that since I was never pretty then I would never matter. So, I started to pay less attention to myself.

I struggled for years with stuttering and I lived my life second guessing every word that came out of my mouth. I whole-heartedly believed that someone else would think I was ill-advised. In my life, people told me that I what I had to say was wrong and I that should learn the facts by watching the news and trusting every credible source. My political views were mine own and I had my individual take on religion and education. I was always somewhat of a rebel. I’ve always thought that loving the whole world was possible. Yes, even those who have done wrong. The bible has taught me that true judgement can only come from God though we all individually have the power to discern the spirits. Now at 37, I see clearly that LOVE is what will solve every issue on this planet but, it is not up to us to decide which way the wind blows. It is up to us to decide which forces we want to align. Work under the forces of dark or be used by the power light; this is our daily choice. Sometimes life is unexpected. What happens is not important. Our future is measured by the actions we take today and I am happy that I’ve learned that it begins with what I think. I lived my life from 26-36 believing that I could manage my life without God. God showed himself in between through all of my hardships but, I wanted to think that I had the power to maintain who I was. I was sorely mistaken but, with Gods infinite wisdom he has forgiven me. I feel his love radiate throughout my thoughts every time I decide to write a poem, a song, or when I blog.

You can fall a million times and God will always be open to forgive you. This morning I said a prayer to ask God to move heavily on my mind so that I can learn to forgive myself. I am extremely apologetic when I don’t have the right words to say or if, when compared to others, I lack attraction. I truly don’t believe that God allowed me to make it to 37 to be comfortable with believing that I am to be a failure. With all the wrong I have done I know that somewhere I was able to implement diligence in my walk. More than ever I care what I have to say and my story will be told through my perspective. I began this blog thinking of my family because they are my foundation aside from God. When my childhood home was demolished my childhood stories went down with the house. I once believed that when a home was gone so were all of its stories but, I am happy that is not the case. When my family moved to a new section in the city I thought I had lost the feeling of being a dreamer. Where the sun can’t shine there is only a shadow blocking its trajectory. I realized that even though my home on 11th street was no longer standing any new home after is built upon the same structure. When I connect every home I’ve ever lived in my story has a flow that only myself and God can comprehend.

I am grateful to make it to 37. I understand that though my life has taken many turns away from grace I had to hit rock bottom to be pulled back into Gods warm embrace. In the end I can say with confidence that life is a mellifluous melody and when the tune sounds drastic it is important to not lose faith in God. For those who don’t believe in God, I believe for you that there is a higher power that will help you weather the storms in life. There is nothing we can do to stop a storm but, we can monitor our reactions through them. Thank you for listening to this 37 year olds ramblings today. I am truly grateful to have an opinion of my life up until this point and I pray that I have many more life lessons to add as I learn to selfishly love myself. Happy Birthday to me, by God’s grace I am wonderfully made.

Like this post, leave a comment below and follow me on the Happiness Project. Also, feel free to share with the links below. Today, I am celebrating 37 years of my own history.

Learn to Play and be Happy,

Miya

How Can I Guard My Heart and My Mind?

Philippians 4:7

New International Version
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Everyday I am faced with challenges and then I say to myself, who am I kidding we are all faced with challenges but, life is for me to navigate and my heart and my mind are mines to manage. How many times do we allow situations to cloud our judgement? What I have to say today can only be explained through example. Anger, sadness, aggravation, confusion, disappointment, any negative emotion will hinder your success in this life. Last year I proved how true this was. It was April 2016, I was in a relationship with my ex and I was, in lack of better works,  happy. My ex, who I will not slander his name, was involved in a love triangle. It was me, the mother of his most recent child and another girl whom I will call Amanda. His involvement with us all created a bomb and when it exploded I crumbled. I was incredibly angry and that fuel led to my revenge. Nothing could influence me to change how I felt. I wanted this man to pay for what he did and I definitely was open for him to hate me for the rest of his life. I called the mother of his youngest child because I knew that she did not like Amanda and I called Amanda and she had explained to me that she and my ex had been seeing each other again.

I felt betrayed and more so, I felt that he had betrayed three beautiful queens in the process. In my mind this man had to be exposed and nothing could sway me from letting these women know that he was selfish and up to no good. My intentions were good but, the turn out was not what I expected. Both of the women chose to continue to believe his lies and my reward, I was the villain who could have separated a man and his child. That’s how the story was told. I was lied to and there was a lot of untruths spread about my character and I choked. I lost my ability to see straight for, anger was the king in clouding my judgement. Today, I stay to myself much of the time because there is too much of myself I do not trust without God. The word of God tells us to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and I believe that the task is so simple if only we can learn to throw our selfish understanding to the way-side.

Everyday our bodies are fueled by different chemicals which create human emotion. Everyday certainly there is someone in the world who is angry, sad, happy, sleepy, exhausted, confused and so on. We as a people have given so many definitions of how one feels at any given moment. Growing up I was always told to respond to what I was feeling. Like an untamed animal I was quick to grow angry, I let every act of unkindness draw me to tears that led to a broken heart and I have been overwhelmed with delight when life tends to go the way I would like. I finally realize that each emotion I felt, though ok, made me a puppet to circumstance. Yesterday I asked myself  how many situations have I experienced that have caused me to lose my head? I know that’s a number that I will never be able to answer but, there is one thing that is certain, I must take ownership for how I feel because it heavily influences my success or failure.

I want to be on the winning team and the first step for guarding my heart and mind was to take responsibility for how I feel because me and only me can effect how my life will play out. When my ex was being selfish I can see now that his selfishness had nothing to do with me. I knew he had been unfaithful to me in the past but, what doesn’t hurt is the fact that though I was apart of his schemes to control what he wanted I had the power to  walk away or continue to involve myself with someone who only made me feel like less of a person. For a very long time I thought that because I was unattractive on the surface I had to be with people who never valued me. I once allowed others to have so much influence over my thoughts and actions. The first step of me taking responsibility for how I felt was tough but, now I definitely have a better perspective of the choices that are presented to my emotional state. I have a better understanding of how the chain of thought works and it all starts with taking ownership of what I allow to process through my mind on a daily basis.

After I asked myself what am I thinking and how do I feel I realizes that I must have a foundation. I grew up in a Christian family and like most Christians my family heavily relies on prayer. Something inside me switched on the other day. Like a light bulb I was reminded that Jesus not only came so that we could have an abundant life, he also courageously sacrificed himself so that we would not have to experience the pain of the cross as much. Our negative emotions like despair are all apart of the sacrifice. A person can lose all they have and the loss will cut deep like a knife but, with God you must have an attitude of knowing that God is all you need. God is in all of us and that speaks plainly to me that with God I can do all things through Christ Jesus. This includes placing my heart and mind in my master hands. When we have no foundation we fall and I’ve seen and experienced the results of placing  trust on my ability to be my own foundation. Trusting only you will lead to pride and pride is what comes before the fall.

The final bridge to guarding my heart and mind was to learn to have gratitude and to pray unceasingly. Every time we are grateful we activate new cells in our brain which leads to more positive experiences in our life. When we speak negatively it activates cells that lead to more negative experiences. Being grateful forces me to step outside of my boundaries of thought patterns. When I pray I am consciously giving thanks for all the functions of my body, the people in my life, and every experience that I have been through be it good or bad. Since I’ve been practicing gratitude I can attest to the miracles that have followed. Amazingly gratefulness causes me to feel inclined to be used by God to help and love others. It is an amazing feeling to want to be used to seed God’s light and love to infect positive change in the life others. Prayer and gratitude lets me know that God’s plans are perfect and whatever I ask for has already been received in Jesus’ name. My heart and mind are protected by the grace of God when I prayer and give thanks.

In conclusion personal condemnation may be necessary for one to assume responsibility for how one feels. Once you take responsibility you can then immediately forgive yourself and then build a foundation with a higher power. With no foundation or only placing yourself as the foundation you can fall. The flesh is never to be trusted because when you trust yourself it leads to pride and as I have already said pride comes before the fall. Finally, we are nothing without prayer and gratitude. Gratefulness and prayer gives you peace of mind. One sure way to make peace with how you feel is to learn to be grateful for everything and as the blessings follow you open up a whole new world to be in a place to help others. That to me is the key to a having a happy life in this multi-perceptive world we live in. In this life you will lose people and possessions because those are the elements we have no control over. We are responsible for ourselves and no one else and knowing this places a heavy responsibilty on our daily lives. It is up to us to decide if it is important to guard our hearts and our minds. Just ask yourself do you want to always be controlled by circumstances outside of your own control or do you want to have the possibility of living an abundant life on your terms?

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish for everyone to learn how to control their hearts and minds. It is a rewarding feeling to be connected to a powerful God whose words have always managed to stick to my heart. I’ve seen lives transform before my eyes when the heart and mind are placed in the right hands. When I made the decision to place nothing above God my walk began to transform and my words began to continually produce abundance. I understand that we live in a society that constantly battles over the control of the human mind but, what I have learned is that we can be in the world and not of it. Meaning, this life, this battle we can holds our heads a little higher when we understand that we were born to be free. Nothing is more freeing than placing the heart and mind in unconditional hands.

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Live Free,

Miya

The Secrets to My Desires

Desire…….Desire connected directly to my gut

My gut turns into hunger

The hunger begs for sin

And the sin leads to my death

Apple pie and cinnamon sugar sends a shock into my system

The medical scene has a name for it

And they call it diabetes

I guess you are no good for me?

Gluttony can never be satiated

A taste for the palette that begs for more

What are my wages for?

Why do I feel so guilty?

Was the sweat off my back not enough?

SO many questions and only my inner being has the manners to answer

What will I give up for the floating city over the capital of wrong and right?

I looked left but, my wings sung a song to me forcing me to believe that I was broken

So I gave up for a lie that told me I wasn’t worth it

True love is what formed my authentic purpose.

Desire… You are not enough

I am only to be merrily connected to a calling that could only be materialized by my one and only maker.

How will I know? I question myself about the places I am afraid to take the unrecognized next step

Fear, it will always lead us to where we should be

Desire…. You could never control me.

Nothing and No One Can Replace God’s Love

Through my observations most people will live out most of their conscious moments trying to disprove the Laws of God. Spiritual teachings are bountiful but, I’ve seen many passerby’s take the easy way out. Throughout my own timeline I can recall the crystal ball images of the desires of my heart and all those desires had gone off to the wastelands. I now see clearly that reaching for acceptance beyond God will never work for someone like me. I came to have an abundant life but, at what cost? Just to have a few prayers go my way only to realize that my way was not beneficial for me. I once believed that a crystal stone would populate a golden fairy tale but, stones have no power compared to God. I carried an amethyst to ward off evil and believed an opal ring possessed unmatched magical powers to heighten my worthiness in the world. There is nothing and no one that holds the keys to the universe especially when under the deceptive guise of what is ecstatically pleasing to the eye. There are many times in my life where I failed God by yearning for external substitutes for my soul. I honestly believed with fingers crossed that having a boyfriend, being around people who I can call my friends, and possessing loads of money were the tickets to living an ideal life. Today, I testify that when you yearn for anything outside of God you will run into many roadblocks in this life.

My first and most impactful roadblock experience was when I longed for acceptance. From my childhood days to my current adult years I was never popular. I was often rejected by my peers and some of my family members because I wasn’t recognizably pretty, I didn’t wear name brand clothing, I’ve had a constant battle with my weight and my hair was never luxuriously long or soft. Before I hated the world I hated myself. In school I was picked on because I was recognizably different from the cultural acceptance where features were vaguely important. My parents never told me that there would be people in life who would never accept me and I give God all the praises for keeping me in the dark. If it wasn’t for God I would have never been able to see that I was uniquely designed and I was perfectly made in God’s image. I don’t need to be accepted by anyone outside of God. Today, I am free because of God’s divine wisdom. Surely, what God has for me is for me.

Another massive roadblock was my undying need to be in a relationship with someone. I used to push through hell and back just to say I had a boyfriend. I was never the object of positive attention. Hoping that I would one day grow out of the awkward phase I was disappointed by the public reaction when boys treated me as if I wore the cloak of invisibility. In present times men turn a blind eye to recognize my existence. I used to be extremely bitter when I discovered that people can be dismissive and not bat an eye in the process. What forced me to change my perspective was the day I realized that God takes me as I am for his love has substance. Also, self-acceptance should be my primary mission in my present and moving forward. I was made by God through my parents and I love that it is a challenge for others to accept me. Let me be the stepping stone for those who need to learn a little more about the power of God. My God is the Alpha and the Omega who can go against the creator of the heavens and Earth.

A happy life used to mean having love, friendships and lots of money. I thought money could buy me love and with the abundance of money I could live out my days never worrying about my future stability. I’ve learned that when you desire to have abundance over God you can get what you want but, there is always danger looming when you start to love money. I used to believe my bank account was the answer to all of my troubles. In the past every time I was upset I would go shopping to mend my frustration. Abundance should never be taken for granted. One day you can have your heart’s content and the next everything can be snatched away from you. When I woke up from the illusion of what abundance is I could really see my deceitful heart. I am highly thankful that God forgave my foolishness. The only treasure for me is the Kingdom of God. Money doesn’t buy anything of true value when your heart is not in the right place. For me, God had to become my center and I would rather change my walk then continue living another day placing my faith on my finances. My heart belongs to God alone.

Being the misfit is sobering. I know that every challenge that I’ve faced and will face in my future was predestined by God. I no longer look at situations that used to break me as my darkest moments for God knew I would overcome those hard times. I am content with what I have but, I am encouraged also because I know that God will always see to it that I am protected. I live my best life now for all of my riches are placed in God. Every day I retract from the world I grow closer to God. For those who struggle with their value know that you were perfectly designed to share your gift to the world. Never allow negativity to through you off course and believe that you are precious and wonderfully made.

Thank you for reading my blog today. Like this post, comment, and share with the links below. Also, follow me on my journey if you enjoy my content and remember nothing and no one will ever fulfil your desires but, we can start by trusting God and placing value in loving ourselves.

Love Without Ceasing,

Miya