The Day I Learned to Walk by Faith

Has there ever been a time in your life when the world around you went completely dark and all you could see were the horrible results of the issues of your heart? The other night this happened to me. I couldn’t sleep at all because my mind was racing like an engine. I kept thinking about the book that I have been working on and then I thought about the possibility of my dreams never coming into existence. Though I was in the dark, my mind seemed to highlight where I am spiritually. I grasped a deeper meaning from the world within as it pertains to what I can visually account for. The credit I can withdraw from this awakening is appreciation for being able to understand faith more profoundly.  In Hebrews 11:1 we are given wise counsel for our lives: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.

When asked what do you see, what are the first words that come into your mind? For me and all human life forms that answer would be the landscape of what we can view with our eyes. To briefly explain I will add what I can see at this very moment while I am typing. First, I see the computer I am typing on and second I can gaze out of my window. Earlier this morning the clouds were dark and ominous like in an old black and white horror film. Rain was pouring down and after a while the condensation continued its travels across the northern sky. After an hour passed peace was once again restored for the sun is now shining and the sky is promisingly blue. My vision prophesied to me the truth of what life is to every being on the planet. In life storms will roll in and certain storms have a direct path of destruction but, one thing is certain storms fade away and whatever was destroyed can and will be renewed once more.

Our eyes don’t deceive us because our eyes tell the truth about the internal conditions of our heart as it pertains to the level of our faith. If your heart is filled with unforgiveness be prepared to have a life where your exterior will carry the spirit of unforgiveness through your experiences with others and even self-reflective unforgiveness. This works in the same manner for anger, lust, vanity, and love. God is a God of order so when you live with any indifference outside of Gods ordinance be prepared to pay a heavy price.  For a very long time I did not understand this but, I am thankful to God that I can see with brand new eyes that what I can see tells me more about the battle I am fighting within. Defiance separates us from discipline and we will never reach our greatest potential with lack of self-control. We can choose to accept that our lives are under a Rulers hands that shows us mercy when we make the choice to accept His will for our lives or we can follow the laws of the flesh. From what I’ve collected through the word of God and personal experience, the wages of the flesh lead to sin and sin leads to death.

I am not certain if anyone else can live knowing that level of responsibility and continue to ignore the calling of the will of our Maker. I know that for me, God’s words have been in my heart since I was a little girl. I feared God as I should and through personal trials and tribulations I learned to trust in the Lord and to defend His Name. Jehovah Jireh is what I have learned throughout my life and I pray that whomever this message is meant to touch may the truth be written on their hearts today. Thank you Lord for using me and leading me into my calling. I thank and appreciate all who have read my entry today. Let’s start a discussion on what our surroundings are and how it may relate to how one may feel internally. Like this post, follow the Happiness Project and share with the links attached.

Live by Faith,


My Time is Mine to Manage

Yesterday I spoke to my inspiring and amazing cousin about how I’ve felt over the years about her. I honestly had to admit that for years I was jealous because I did not have the same opportunities and she was always highly favored by my Aunts and Uncles. For much of my time here on earth I was enslaved with feelings of inadequacy and the outlet for how I felt towards those whom I believed were blessed and loved by God misguided me towards my own self-hatred. From the outside you can look at someone else’s situation and believe that they have the easy life. That belief transformed into so many internal weaknesses throughout my years that I did not recognize the relationships that were impacted by my brokenness. A broken foundation has shown me many things and today I want to talk about Time Management.

I love video games, more so, I love the type of  games which are action packed and permeated with clues. Final Fantasy VII and the first Resident Evil  were the first two games that I’ve ever played which helped me to use my problem solving and time management skills. I love puzzles with clues that you have to courageously investigate to propel the character to the next level where the challenges for the main character elevate from level to level and ultimately impacts their skills. What makes me an effective role-playing gamer is my desire to resolve conflict. Role playing games help you to manage your time. A great RPG  will include tasks which are time sensitive. With much appreciation to my cousin I have downloaded an app that helps me to be accountable for my time. In the past I’ve run into challenges which were difficult for me and because I did not find ways to be accountable for my time I wasted them by applying the “Woe is me” effect throughout every area of my life.

Not wanting to be a manipulator, I had to admit that I was responsible for how I felt about my life. I blamed others for thoughts of my own limitations because I believed that everyone spoke negatively when they saw my face or knew a minuscule amount of information about the deeds I’ve done in the dark. I can’t alter how I’ve felt in the past but, I can immediately take charge for my future by acknowledging my shortcomings. I long to live a full life regardless of the mistakes I’ve made and I believe the past has formed its own definition for a reason. After I’ve forgiven all discomforts I was able to move forward and assign my time appropriately. I’ve learned from failure that time is something that I have control of separate from the end of my time here on earth. Once again, thanks to my cousin accountability is enjoyable for me.

Our time is all we have and when we divide the minutes, seconds, and hours we are confronted with the truth of the importance of time. Time is the ultimate figure in our lives that we can see the immediate results of when we look at ourselves in the mirror or see the outer reflections of those who surround us. By developing daily schedules I discipline myself so that when I am faced with any difficulty I can overcome them by being accountable for my time. In my truth practicing accountability is new to me but, before I approached this practice I knew that I was in desperate need of discipline. I am thankful and grateful for providing explanations to myself for how I spend my time. Thanks to my cousins advisement I am no longer overruled by defeat for, defeat is only an opportunity for us to make amends with failure. Failure is a superficial word so we always have the opportunity to turn our circumstances around to make our prospective futures brighter.

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Be Accountable Always,


In The Middle

Silence is my greatest enemy. I withhold the truth to myself that God in heaven may not hear my prayers. That isn’t the case though, I don’t think? Maybe it is? I have a mind that is able to fully understand darkness and light and in my world the balance was off scale for many years. Darkness used to always have a way of winning over light thanks to years of conditional beliefs. At the end of each sentence there lies a choice and how it ends resides in my hands. Frustration barged into the halls where I had to make the choice of right and wrong and like Sarah in the Labyrinth I made the wrong choices. Common sense only confused me. Up was down and down was up, the helping hands I chose not to trust. When I plummeted down into the den of forgotten dreams it reeked of death and the sight I was given displayed a field of dreams covered in dust. I was trapped, I felt and I could not see the forest for the trees. This idea made my goals unattainable. Whenever I am on course of living positively voices leak out through the walls and shouts in favor of my impending doom. I begin to think I am not good enough and what if people think I am crazy. When I combat my fears I began to believe that I will lead to certain destruction. The coward inside of me helps me to navigate my path and for assurance I handed off the plastic bracelet of friendship. I came to the realization that if I am to conquer my fears I would have to become my own best friend. Now that I’ve met the kindred spirit within I’ve found a way to use the darkness to help me lead back to the light. Fear was and is an element that can no longer stab me in the back. Fear is always eager to direct us off course while we attempt to reach our point of attraction. After years of racing through the adventure we call life I’ve come to a place where I shatter the glass ceiling and victory is now underway. Fear you have no power over me.

On the basis of my understanding life is an illusion we become. The systems around us are illustrated internal structures and we never fully understand all of what we think will come to pass. The desires of the heart paints out the plot of our life right before our eyes and as of yesterday I was able to see myself writing my distorted truths. Protect the heart with the forces of love and tiny black opals. Life is reduced to a stage and instead of abundance many choose madness that dates beyond medieval origins.  The child in me must live if I want to be in a creative space. With the assistance of my creator I paint into existence the princess I was as a child dancing before the Christmas tree with my nutcracker prince.  Alas, as a child my musical preference was directed towards Tchaikovsky and it made me feel elegant and free. Today I no longer miss the freedom in the magic I always possessed. Time forces me to grow up but, with certainty I will never lose my childlike spirit. I believe that I always favored the Nutcracker because the story itself was magical. Inside I yearned for my favorite childhood toy soldier to come to life to defeat the Mouse King and then I would courageously be rushed off into the magical kingdom  colonized by dolls. I was the princess in my fantasy I changed the story a little so that I could participate in the battle. I was brave and my curiosity to create was the only thing I cared about. I am surely content for bravery and curiosity has once again returned.

I shed many tears over the weekend. Every time I press the reality button I am reminded of all that “is” in the moment. I shatter every time I hear or see the horrific news reports. From rumors of war, hurricanes, murders, missing cases, racism, sexism, religious and anti-religious hatred, narcissistic Facebook posts and  the band of negativity plays on. When berated with low-frequency information I begin to feel hopeless in my own affairs. I pointed my attraction towards self-pity. After a day of wallowing I stood up to my ego. I would not settle for sinking in the swamp of sadness. My inner strength is not in tales of love and marriage the conventional way. I used to think something was wrong with me because I wasn’t fully attracted to being tied down with a baby and coming home from work or staying home to be the formidable wife. When I am in my creative space my name becomes Ever the creative dreamer and not Miya soon to be someone’s Mrs. I battled with the comparative choice because I felt that I was obligated to get married and build white picket fences. I finally accept the hand I was dealt.  I was born to be the entertainer and the thought-provoking creator of life with my own concepts.

I had to disconnect from the turmoil and trust that my guidance system would lead me to better feeling thoughts. I oblige that Choice is an illusion. Today I can sit back and observe the story I have been writing and as my thoughts transform my life follows the course of positive change. But wait, it’s not that easy because fear is very comfortable in the environment of our hearts. Where I am at the moment in my journey I am waiting before the guard dog by the Bog of Eternal Stench and I am only frightened to let go of the hell I’ve created. This is enlightening information for me. At my own request I get to forgive and permit myself access into the land where I can see the forest for the trees. Fear is a conquest already defeated if we chose to see it this way. I will not conform to the possible influence of someone else’s will. I’ve built my way back to positive points of attraction.

I carry the token of knowledge and wisdom and hold it as a torch that helps me navigate through life.

A slide-show of my crazy, sexy, and cool mind and I get to express things that are only meant for me to understand. I am a dreamer within a dreamer, a Bastian meet Atreyu fairytale. Everyday I am able to get lost in the sounds of midnight in all that will be. Life is a dream one that I get to create.

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Conjure Your Inner Child Always,


Caught between Love and Conditions

There was once a time in my world where I used to believe that true love was being kissed by a prince and then awakening from a curse of deep slumber. To dive in a little deeper I believed that a man would save me from some unknown enemy and the gift he would give would be his undying love and without his love I would be ruined. I think there are millions women who might have believed love was the same as my former definition. I also believed that other women would only be a threat to that love. A few years ago I remember talking to a friend about what I call the Disney Princess Curse. This is a curse that all young girls are subjected to by watching movies like Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. I admire Walt Disney for creating these films but, it is time to detangle the web of lies. Little girls become women who seek after the same childhood fantasies and I’m sorry to the late Walt Disney but, the love we were taught as young girls was mystified by an inaccurate definition. We must love ourselves but, how when we’ve never been shown the right way?

I used to have this fantasy where I would meet the man of my dreams on a stage while singing at my sold out concert. My dream guy would walk onto the stage, kiss me and profess his adoration and that was my image of the phrase, “And they lived happily ever after.” No fights to work through or break ups to get over just a happy ending. As I grew older I thought I lost my fantasy when I started to choose men by the contents of their character. After I became better acquainted with a guy I would link together all of my childhood fantasies by believing in true loves kiss and just like that, a savior was born in my eyes. I have been living  in a deceptive world made of smoke, magical dust and mirrors. I learned from the trance I was under that love was a physical definition and because of this I missed out on loving myself for 36 years.

I’ve written a few blogs about the importance of self-love and as I continue to grow in my journey my definition of the fantasy dissipates. I am sure most people has heard of the song lyrics, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” It’s ironic because I looked for love in every place that didn’t include myself. The world teaches little girls that what you look like on the outside is most significant. The world confides in the minds of little girls that we need to hate one another and be blind to the fact that we are only hating ourselves. It is up to us to pull each other up by the lowest common denominator and start praising every female we encounter. When you give love it finds its way by coming back around.

My ability to love the self became an impossible task. I kept defining conditions that pointed to worthiness. I grew up complacent in knowing with certainty I would never be attractive because my nose was too big, the gap between my teeth was repulsive and I have been living in the land of negatively labeled plus-sized women for most of my life. I even went through bouts of hell for not being articulate every time I opened my mouth. The struggle was real but, the real part of the struggle was only an impression I chose not to see. In effort to deprogram my thoughts of self-hate I am looking at all of the barriers I position in mind when I attempt to love myself. In a way I can feel the layers peel from how I used to primarily view my life. The worlds definition of love teaches us to never be satisfied with who we are.  Love goes beyond any definition because it has no limits.

Last night I had a very tiny wakeup call while thinking about my past experiences with men. I used to blame men for not treating me with decency. I held a grudge in my heart and as time passed the hatred I felt transitioned into defeat and I began to tell myself I wasn’t worthy enough to be respected. Encouragement can only get you so far. I recognized that I had to examine the conditions I placed and create a plan of action that will improve my self-worth. I must eat better and exercise my mind, body and spirit. A wealthy body is a healthy body. It is ok to look appealing with makeup as long as the glistening persona doesn’t blind the ego for, looks do change. On the same token, it is ok to get my hair done and wear nice clothes but, the definition is checked at the door so that I am able to confront my truest self. This is the period I love all of me and rely on the universe to guide me to my transcendent match in the department of love. When people disregard my worthiness I recognize that I authorized the treatment by showing them where I stand in self-love.

Love has been tarnished in songs because people struggle with its definition and the mind becomes trapped in a box surrounded by conditions.  Love Is a Battlefield, is a song by Pat Benatar that makes me think love struggles. Also, The Spinners sold the message that Love Don’t Love Nobody (It Takes A Fool). Love could never struggle because it is the undisputed champion of the universe and even darkness can’t destroy what love brings. The Spinners were wrong, love does love everybody and that’s too much for the mind to comprehend. Let go of every condition and began to feel that we were all born to be free. Thank you for visiting my page. Please like, comment and follow The Happy Nappy and fill free to share with the links below.

Be encouraged,