The Inner Ramblings of a 37 Year Old

Sometimes my mind moves slow, kind of like molasses. The words I have to say are thick and I get stuck sometimes because I worry about how I will sound when the words come out. I’ve learned somewhere a long time ago that we are to sacrifice for one another. I also read that in order to be a good Christian we are supposed to be submissive to one another. I believe that I have become the type of person where people see me as a gullible easy target and they easily dump their hatred on me because I am completely forgiving. Today I am 37. I was born October 17th 1980 in Philadelphia, Pa at Parkview Hospital located in the Frankfort section of Philadelphia. My dad worked there as a diagnostic technician.  I don’t remember the times when he did work because he stopped working when I was a baby. Let’s just say he worked in Hospitals when people could smoke inside of them. He used to tell me about the wild parties he and his co-workers used to have. He used to always joke around about the paraphernalia and booze they had at their parties. Growing up I saw my parents as the King and Queen of Disco.

Our basement on 11th street in the Logan section of Philly was decked out with a huge bar and a kick-ass shower. As we grew older the basement started to smell like rotting water and the house started to sink. You could see the house separating from where the kitchen and the laundry room were connected. If we did not move out of that house the back room would have been destroyed because the entire back-end of the house was sinking. As if I rewound my life back to the past before the sinking began I can see all of my fond childhood memories up until I was 12 years of age in that house. I remember dreaming of becoming a pop star in my sister’s room every time she was away at a friend’s house. I can see me and my sister raising our pet guinea pigs. I named my guinea pig after this Hispanic boy named Christopher I used to like in 1st and 2nd grade. His mother looked like Peggy Bundy and his dad was a black janitor at our school, Bernie Elementary. I once got beat up by two young boys in front of him. I was actually pretty good at handling them both until I saw Christopher. I guess I should have known then that boys/men would be a lot of trouble for me. My childhood memories are fond and sacred. Most of my spiritual life was cultivated when I was young. In fact I began reading the Bible when I was 9 so that I could understand why God took my grandmother away. I was terrified of God. It wasn’t until I was 30 that I understood what it means when it says in the word of God that Fearing the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom(Proverbs 9:10). I guess God decided to introduce knowledge and wisdom to me at a very young age. I feared God so much that it lead me to live a life of sacrifice. I used to be open to the idea of putting myself aside and never second guessing any negative consequences. God taught me how to love others but, what about love for myself? The answer is simple, God did teach me how to love myself when he gave me the passion for writing and the love of music. Also, when God created me he made me different and I see now that it is a difference worth embracing. I am not supposed to look like anyone else but me. I also love nature and I really love when I can help others. However, lately God has been telling me that I need to be selfish. I think I can remember being told this before when I started to lose control of my own thoughts back in my early 20’s. I cared more of what someone else had to say over what I had to say. My voice I kept silent for I feared that the words that flowed through my mouth would only sound imprudent. I believed that since I was never pretty then I would never matter. So, I started to pay less attention to myself.

I struggled for years with stuttering and I lived my life second guessing every word that came out of my mouth. I whole-heartedly believed that someone else would think I was ill-advised. In my life, people told me that I what I had to say was wrong and I that should learn the facts by watching the news and trusting every credible source. My political views were mine own and I had my individual take on religion and education. I was always somewhat of a rebel. I’ve always thought that loving the whole world was possible. Yes, even those who have done wrong. The bible has taught me that true judgement can only come from God though we all individually have the power to discern the spirits. Now at 37, I see clearly that LOVE is what will solve every issue on this planet but, it is not up to us to decide which way the wind blows. It is up to us to decide which forces we want to align. Work under the forces of dark or be used by the power light; this is our daily choice. Sometimes life is unexpected. What happens is not important. Our future is measured by the actions we take today and I am happy that I’ve learned that it begins with what I think. I lived my life from 26-36 believing that I could manage my life without God. God showed himself in between through all of my hardships but, I wanted to think that I had the power to maintain who I was. I was sorely mistaken but, with Gods infinite wisdom he has forgiven me. I feel his love radiate throughout my thoughts every time I decide to write a poem, a song, or when I blog.

You can fall a million times and God will always be open to forgive you. This morning I said a prayer to ask God to move heavily on my mind so that I can learn to forgive myself. I am extremely apologetic when I don’t have the right words to say or if, when compared to others, I lack attraction. I truly don’t believe that God allowed me to make it to 37 to be comfortable with believing that I am to be a failure. With all the wrong I have done I know that somewhere I was able to implement diligence in my walk. More than ever I care what I have to say and my story will be told through my perspective. I began this blog thinking of my family because they are my foundation aside from God. When my childhood home was demolished my childhood stories went down with the house. I once believed that when a home was gone so were all of its stories but, I am happy that is not the case. When my family moved to a new section in the city I thought I had lost the feeling of being a dreamer. Where the sun can’t shine there is only a shadow blocking its trajectory. I realized that even though my home on 11th street was no longer standing any new home after is built upon the same structure. When I connect every home I’ve ever lived in my story has a flow that only myself and God can comprehend.

I am grateful to make it to 37. I understand that though my life has taken many turns away from grace I had to hit rock bottom to be pulled back into Gods warm embrace. In the end I can say with confidence that life is a mellifluous melody and when the tune sounds drastic it is important to not lose faith in God. For those who don’t believe in God, I believe for you that there is a higher power that will help you weather the storms in life. There is nothing we can do to stop a storm but, we can monitor our reactions through them. Thank you for listening to this 37 year olds ramblings today. I am truly grateful to have an opinion of my life up until this point and I pray that I have many more life lessons to add as I learn to selfishly love myself. Happy Birthday to me, by God’s grace I am wonderfully made.

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Learn to Play and be Happy,



How Can I Guard My Heart and My Mind?

Philippians 4:7

New International Version
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Everyday I am faced with challenges and then I say to myself, who am I kidding we are all faced with challenges but, life is for me to navigate and my heart and my mind are mines to manage. How many times do we allow situations to cloud our judgement? What I have to say today can only be explained through example. Anger, sadness, aggravation, confusion, disappointment, any negative emotion will hinder your success in this life. Last year I proved how true this was. It was April 2016, I was in a relationship with my ex and I was, in lack of better works,  happy. My ex, who I will not slander his name, was involved in a love triangle. It was me, the mother of his most recent child and another girl whom I will call Amanda. His involvement with us all created a bomb and when it exploded I crumbled. I was incredibly angry and that fuel led to my revenge. Nothing could influence me to change how I felt. I wanted this man to pay for what he did and I definitely was open for him to hate me for the rest of his life. I called the mother of his youngest child because I knew that she did not like Amanda and I called Amanda and she had explained to me that she and my ex had been seeing each other again.

I felt betrayed and more so, I felt that he had betrayed three beautiful queens in the process. In my mind this man had to be exposed and nothing could sway me from letting these women know that he was selfish and up to no good. My intentions were good but, the turn out was not what I expected. Both of the women chose to continue to believe his lies and my reward, I was the villain who could have separated a man and his child. That’s how the story was told. I was lied to and there was a lot of untruths spread about my character and I choked. I lost my ability to see straight for, anger was the king in clouding my judgement. Today, I stay to myself much of the time because there is too much of myself I do not trust without God. The word of God tells us to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus and I believe that the task is so simple if only we can learn to throw our selfish understanding to the way-side.

Everyday our bodies are fueled by different chemicals which create human emotion. Everyday certainly there is someone in the world who is angry, sad, happy, sleepy, exhausted, confused and so on. We as a people have given so many definitions of how one feels at any given moment. Growing up I was always told to respond to what I was feeling. Like an untamed animal I was quick to grow angry, I let every act of unkindness draw me to tears that led to a broken heart and I have been overwhelmed with delight when life tends to go the way I would like. I finally realize that each emotion I felt, though ok, made me a puppet to circumstance. Yesterday I asked myself  how many situations have I experienced that have caused me to lose my head? I know that’s a number that I will never be able to answer but, there is one thing that is certain, I must take ownership for how I feel because it heavily influences my success or failure.

I want to be on the winning team and the first step for guarding my heart and mind was to take responsibility for how I feel because me and only me can effect how my life will play out. When my ex was being selfish I can see now that his selfishness had nothing to do with me. I knew he had been unfaithful to me in the past but, what doesn’t hurt is the fact that though I was apart of his schemes to control what he wanted I had the power to  walk away or continue to involve myself with someone who only made me feel like less of a person. For a very long time I thought that because I was unattractive on the surface I had to be with people who never valued me. I once allowed others to have so much influence over my thoughts and actions. The first step of me taking responsibility for how I felt was tough but, now I definitely have a better perspective of the choices that are presented to my emotional state. I have a better understanding of how the chain of thought works and it all starts with taking ownership of what I allow to process through my mind on a daily basis.

After I asked myself what am I thinking and how do I feel I realizes that I must have a foundation. I grew up in a Christian family and like most Christians my family heavily relies on prayer. Something inside me switched on the other day. Like a light bulb I was reminded that Jesus not only came so that we could have an abundant life, he also courageously sacrificed himself so that we would not have to experience the pain of the cross as much. Our negative emotions like despair are all apart of the sacrifice. A person can lose all they have and the loss will cut deep like a knife but, with God you must have an attitude of knowing that God is all you need. God is in all of us and that speaks plainly to me that with God I can do all things through Christ Jesus. This includes placing my heart and mind in my master hands. When we have no foundation we fall and I’ve seen and experienced the results of placing  trust on my ability to be my own foundation. Trusting only you will lead to pride and pride is what comes before the fall.

The final bridge to guarding my heart and mind was to learn to have gratitude and to pray unceasingly. Every time we are grateful we activate new cells in our brain which leads to more positive experiences in our life. When we speak negatively it activates cells that lead to more negative experiences. Being grateful forces me to step outside of my boundaries of thought patterns. When I pray I am consciously giving thanks for all the functions of my body, the people in my life, and every experience that I have been through be it good or bad. Since I’ve been practicing gratitude I can attest to the miracles that have followed. Amazingly gratefulness causes me to feel inclined to be used by God to help and love others. It is an amazing feeling to want to be used to seed God’s light and love to infect positive change in the life others. Prayer and gratitude lets me know that God’s plans are perfect and whatever I ask for has already been received in Jesus’ name. My heart and mind are protected by the grace of God when I prayer and give thanks.

In conclusion personal condemnation may be necessary for one to assume responsibility for how one feels. Once you take responsibility you can then immediately forgive yourself and then build a foundation with a higher power. With no foundation or only placing yourself as the foundation you can fall. The flesh is never to be trusted because when you trust yourself it leads to pride and as I have already said pride comes before the fall. Finally, we are nothing without prayer and gratitude. Gratefulness and prayer gives you peace of mind. One sure way to make peace with how you feel is to learn to be grateful for everything and as the blessings follow you open up a whole new world to be in a place to help others. That to me is the key to a having a happy life in this multi-perceptive world we live in. In this life you will lose people and possessions because those are the elements we have no control over. We are responsible for ourselves and no one else and knowing this places a heavy responsibilty on our daily lives. It is up to us to decide if it is important to guard our hearts and our minds. Just ask yourself do you want to always be controlled by circumstances outside of your own control or do you want to have the possibility of living an abundant life on your terms?

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish for everyone to learn how to control their hearts and minds. It is a rewarding feeling to be connected to a powerful God whose words have always managed to stick to my heart. I’ve seen lives transform before my eyes when the heart and mind are placed in the right hands. When I made the decision to place nothing above God my walk began to transform and my words began to continually produce abundance. I understand that we live in a society that constantly battles over the control of the human mind but, what I have learned is that we can be in the world and not of it. Meaning, this life, this battle we can holds our heads a little higher when we understand that we were born to be free. Nothing is more freeing than placing the heart and mind in unconditional hands.

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Live Free,


Nothing and No One Can Replace God’s Love

Through my observations most people will live out most of their conscious moments trying to disprove the Laws of God. Spiritual teachings are bountiful but, I’ve seen many passerby’s take the easy way out. Throughout my own timeline I can recall the crystal ball images of the desires of my heart and all those desires had gone off to the wastelands. I now see clearly that reaching for acceptance beyond God will never work for someone like me. I came to have an abundant life but, at what cost? Just to have a few prayers go my way only to realize that my way was not beneficial for me. I once believed that a crystal stone would populate a golden fairy tale but, stones have no power compared to God. I carried an amethyst to ward off evil and believed an opal ring possessed unmatched magical powers to heighten my worthiness in the world. There is nothing and no one that holds the keys to the universe especially when under the deceptive guise of what is ecstatically pleasing to the eye. There are many times in my life where I failed God by yearning for external substitutes for my soul. I honestly believed with fingers crossed that having a boyfriend, being around people who I can call my friends, and possessing loads of money were the tickets to living an ideal life. Today, I testify that when you yearn for anything outside of God you will run into many roadblocks in this life.

My first and most impactful roadblock experience was when I longed for acceptance. From my childhood days to my current adult years I was never popular. I was often rejected by my peers and some of my family members because I wasn’t recognizably pretty, I didn’t wear name brand clothing, I’ve had a constant battle with my weight and my hair was never luxuriously long or soft. Before I hated the world I hated myself. In school I was picked on because I was recognizably different from the cultural acceptance where features were vaguely important. My parents never told me that there would be people in life who would never accept me and I give God all the praises for keeping me in the dark. If it wasn’t for God I would have never been able to see that I was uniquely designed and I was perfectly made in God’s image. I don’t need to be accepted by anyone outside of God. Today, I am free because of God’s divine wisdom. Surely, what God has for me is for me.

Another massive roadblock was my undying need to be in a relationship with someone. I used to push through hell and back just to say I had a boyfriend. I was never the object of positive attention. Hoping that I would one day grow out of the awkward phase I was disappointed by the public reaction when boys treated me as if I wore the cloak of invisibility. In present times men turn a blind eye to recognize my existence. I used to be extremely bitter when I discovered that people can be dismissive and not bat an eye in the process. What forced me to change my perspective was the day I realized that God takes me as I am for his love has substance. Also, self-acceptance should be my primary mission in my present and moving forward. I was made by God through my parents and I love that it is a challenge for others to accept me. Let me be the stepping stone for those who need to learn a little more about the power of God. My God is the Alpha and the Omega who can go against the creator of the heavens and Earth.

A happy life used to mean having love, friendships and lots of money. I thought money could buy me love and with the abundance of money I could live out my days never worrying about my future stability. I’ve learned that when you desire to have abundance over God you can get what you want but, there is always danger looming when you start to love money. I used to believe my bank account was the answer to all of my troubles. In the past every time I was upset I would go shopping to mend my frustration. Abundance should never be taken for granted. One day you can have your heart’s content and the next everything can be snatched away from you. When I woke up from the illusion of what abundance is I could really see my deceitful heart. I am highly thankful that God forgave my foolishness. The only treasure for me is the Kingdom of God. Money doesn’t buy anything of true value when your heart is not in the right place. For me, God had to become my center and I would rather change my walk then continue living another day placing my faith on my finances. My heart belongs to God alone.

Being the misfit is sobering. I know that every challenge that I’ve faced and will face in my future was predestined by God. I no longer look at situations that used to break me as my darkest moments for God knew I would overcome those hard times. I am content with what I have but, I am encouraged also because I know that God will always see to it that I am protected. I live my best life now for all of my riches are placed in God. Every day I retract from the world I grow closer to God. For those who struggle with their value know that you were perfectly designed to share your gift to the world. Never allow negativity to through you off course and believe that you are precious and wonderfully made.

Thank you for reading my blog today. Like this post, comment, and share with the links below. Also, follow me on my journey if you enjoy my content and remember nothing and no one will ever fulfil your desires but, we can start by trusting God and placing value in loving ourselves.

Love Without Ceasing,


Celebration of My Differences

Being an African American Female I am able to hold a special relationship with God. Through the years of slavery to racism to even sexism God has moved powerfully in my life. I stand here today knowing there is method in my master’s holy plans. I don’t always understand why I was faced to be the outcast of the life around me but, Gods ways are surely not my ways. The answer will always be: Yes I trust you Lord.

Sometimes a disability can be something you stick behind and defend just to lock away any potential gift you may hold. The great and mighty I AM motivates me when I struggle with believing in myself. Fear, a disability, becoming ill, the cause does not have to justify the means in which we live our daily lives hoping no one will call us out to damage what we hold dear. For a long time fear motivated me to hide myself even if whatever gifts I possessed were meant to shake up the world. I told myself every day that I was not smart or pretty, why should I be accepted? I agreed with those who were able to recognize my differences. The safest place for me to hide for years was to play only in the dark. Darkness and being alone with God were all that mattered to me. I feel so comforted when the only one I try to please is God. God accepts me for who I am. Over the past few months God has surrounded and blocked every area of my life that included pleasing anyone outside myself. Like the time I lost my son, God separated real love and those who did not have my best interest at heart. No hard feelings because they were not meant to have a hand at my recovery. I lived my life having many addictions from alcohol to being around others who selfishly thought of their own comfort and did not care how they handled mine. God removed them all because I am in the best care when my heavenly Father is in the midst.

For years I had not because I asked not (John 16:24). I never asked God to help me with anything that I struggled with internally that would prove the power of God was behind my greatest achievements. In my final year of High School we had to do a senior project. The senior project was focused on any event in history with a creative spin tailored to our choosing. I chose to create a diary of a girl who expressed how she felt on the cruise liner, the Titanic, up until the moment the ship sank. The book looked waterlogged but, it was miraculously preserved. I got an A on that project and it was put up at the Art Museum of Philadelphia for being great literary work. I can confirm that it was God’s grace that gave me the enthusiasm to research actual events of the Titanic. It was also God who provided me with the idea to create something that would be considered a historical document if it were true and for that reason I was able to I tap into the creative wisdom of God. As I grew older I unfortunately have strayed away and I forgot how to ask God for the desires of my heart.

When I turned away from God it did not persuade God to disconnect from me. However, God allowed my ignorance to fester and boil until it couldn’t any longer. Last night I sat in a dark room all by myself crying. I cried tears of joy because God is so powerful. God loves me so much that he would use his powers to isolate me until all I had was him. When you lose people it can break your heart. My heart has been broken for 12 years and now is my time to claim what God has for me. I am finding comfort in my Father as I continue to establish a meaningful relationship with him and with myself. Since I’ve been separated from physical attachments I see that I have a future ahead of me and as long as I have God nothing could ever compare.

For most of my life I was ridiculed for being different. My external differences matched my inability to fully express myself. I can recall times when teachers would treat me differently because I was not one of the brightest or prettiest students in the class. In fact, I failed first grade and I am certain that it wasn’t because I lacked the mental capacity to understand basic math or reading comprehension. I remember being told that I needed to stand out of the classroom because I was disrupting the class and I was only quiet and shy. I’ve always been quiet up until this present time. One of the most loving translations of God’s power and love was through my parents. My mother and father fought to get me out of my minority neighborhood school so I could have a better education. After I transferred to Lawton Elementary I became an honor student and I was placed into an accelerated reading class. God used his power then to show me that I could comprehend any challenge. Looking back I can see now that God has been using people to treat me as if I was a pariah so that he could manifest within me the desires of my heart.

In society I’ve had many strikes placed against me. What this tells me today is that God has special plans for me. I surrender to my father’s needs and graciously I walk with a yearning flame to fulfill God’s will in my life. One thing I have always asked from my father is that I will be able to live out my best life while I am still young. When people go astray or if I lose anything it is God’s doing, even my own ignorance. However, I pray that I am able to be used to recognizably build the kingdom of God from within so that people will see that God is mighty. God is my foundation and more than anything I want to please Him by proclaiming every day that I want His will to be done. I struggled with my differences for most of my waking life. Now that I surrender all to my amazing heavenly Father I celebrate my differences. God uniquely made me and he has a plan that I trust with all of my heart

Thank you for reading my blog today. I am grateful for all likes and comments so if you like this post or want to share your insight please be at liberty to do so. Follow me on my journey for finding happiness in desert experiences and share with the links below. If you have lost everything and you see that God is all you have in the end be comforted by knowing that God has authority over any and all things. Hold your head up high, pick up your cross and follow Him.

Live Life Celebrating Your Differences


Believe All Is Restored

The computer screen stared directly into my eyes while I searched my brain for a topic to discuss today. My mind was empty but, then I gave grace for the ability to connect with my creator. My creator directed thy path towards the heart. This morning I work up and gave my appreciation to the infinite wisdom who kept my body functioning throughout the night and for allowing me to see another day of grace. After I gave thanks reality began to scream further evidence of the chaos theory via CNN notifications on my phone. CNN reported at 5:01 AM EDT on October 2, 2017: “More than 20 dead after shooting on Las Vegas Strip” (Cullinane &McKirdy). The headline stood out of the loop of life-giving information so, at first I was not going to read the article.

With a clear mind that God is all-powerful I proceeded to read the article as if Jesus himself were reading it to me. I believe that Jesus would probably go back to his word in John 14:30 when he mentioned that the prince of this world was coming and he had no parts in him. Also, he would have me reference Luke 12:54-59 where he spoke of interpreting the times. In verse 57 he mentions, “Why don’t you judge for yourselves what is right? After I finished reading the article all I could think of was that this news report was only part of a dominant reality. This reality speaks into the sub-conscious of every man, woman and child.

When we turn on the news we inhale into our sub-conscious stories of murder, and informational and political conspiracy. This reality forces us to accept that life is leading towards the end quicker than we would like and there is nothing we can do to save the world. As a result, we began to create awareness by racing for the cure or raising money for disaster relief. As proof the ego does not have all the right answers our awareness reflects more of the reason for the race so that, every year further cancer research establishes a reality where cancer spreads like wildfire. The ego tells us we must save but, saving has to be conducted under divine order and when it is not dark principles will apply due to the egos need to save. The ego is self-righteous so, before you donate or give your time ask yourself if you are helping to make yourself feel like you are doing your “part” to save the world or is it a divine calling. These are questions I have been asking myself lately. If I do anything let it be under divine law.

I chose to accept that there is a Predominate force that controls all other realities. This force sends messages daily letting us know that all is well even through chaos. The chaos itself is connected to a perfect plan behind the human ability to fully comprehend. My heart goes out to those who were affected by the shooting in Vegas and I pray dearly that the Hurricane victims receive the help they need so families can fully recover from the devastation. There is a bigger picture in all of the Pandemonium and it illustrates to us everything is already restored.

Hours later, there I was arguing against my stupor and then it hit me. My mind has been in a dreamlike state. My conscious intelligence has been overloaded with so much information at times that my mental functions start to rapidly deteriorate. Like being trapped in a dream the overload causes me to lose control over my identity. Those who are heavily programmed sit back and live out lies told to their vision. The remedy to the wealth of perspective being presented to you is gratefulness. Today I learned that I must be grateful for the information I am receiving at rocket speeds.  I must give any and all matters that affect my heart to God so that my creator can attend to the department of Unconditional Love. This allows me to directly place my treasures in God and thanks to grace I have a fervor to reestablish the message of truth in the hearts of all who may read this blog today, “All is restored.”

I have been through countless records of ups and downs and this one thing rings true, I am still here to speak of what God allowed me to overcome. The day I lost my son I knew that I had already survived. This means that the pain was all the more necessary to fulfill a purpose greater than myself. I am strong, I am collecting the wisdom from infinite intelligence, I am grateful, & I am free to align my life with love at all times. Keep this in mind, awareness creates more of the dominate focus. Be aware today that all is actually well with the world. Speak life into your reality and as you transform internally the atmosphere will begin to shift into something marvelous. We can’t correct the woes of the world before we heal the inner self.

Thank you for visiting my blog. My message for today is one of peace: I know that the information we receive daily can be overwhelming but, try to understand that there is a larger purpose behind it all. Seek first the Kingdom of heaven in these times and keep close to your heart that the spiritual war is already won. As proof God has not given up on us a life was just presented to the world by a friend of mine. Congratulations to you my friend on birthing a new life into the world. Your beautiful baby boy is packed with God’s purpose and his life will provide further evidence of the truth that All is restored by God alone.

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All is Restored,


Entirely, glory and honor belongs to God. More so, God praises us when we allow his spirit to use our body as his temple. To trust God with everything is paradise. When I was a little girl my grandmother passed away from cancer. Days leading up to her passing I started to feel restless, like something big was coming. When she passed I was watching Troop Beverly Hills,1989. I can now see that movie was her goodbye to me and I should probably go back and watch it again with my brand new eyes. Her passing was on her terms and God made it so. Even when she was sick with cancer, God kept her safe. My grandmother lived with me and my family. My sister had her own room and so did I. When my grandmother grew weaker from the spirit of cancer she was put on hospice care and because my father was a stay at home dad she lived with us and slept no more than 3FT away from me in my bedroom. She suffered for was seemed like years to me and I was 9 years of age at the time of her passing. I watched the cancer eat away at my grandmother’s flesh but, her God kept her with enough strength.

He kept her alive because she had a very important job to do that would guide me for the rest of my life. When she passed I lost an innocence that only I believed existed in plastic toys that smelled of strawberries. I was an immaculate child and that was what God held onto hold for me until I was ready to reclaim God’s glory. I remember the church at which her funeral was arranged. It was considered to be my family church, Triumph Baptist Church is the name. At 9 I can remember walking up to my grandmother’s casket afraid and not understanding who God was. I hated him and feared him the day my grandmother returned to where she was sent. I don’t remember the choir selections or the perfect words spoken about my grandmother’s hard work. The only thing I can remember is when I saw God’s light. Above her casket hung a painted photo of my beautiful grandmother.The painting was alive and as a vessel God used that photo to send me a memorandum.

In school we hear of fables, poems through song, and see illustrated delights of the halo. Gently and lovingly light began to move in majestically around my grandmother’s crown. Immediately, the luminescence commanded my tears be banished from my soft and tender skin. From the light I knew pain was not allowed there and from that moment God continued a covenant which, was inherited through my grandmother’s blood. I was able to see God’s light and live so that I could remember that glowing promise he made with me on the last day I would ever see my grandmothers shell. God spoke to me through my experiences. God knew the agony I would have to endure. From the day I lost my child and dusted off all of the sceneries of the earth God was teaching me how to love. I was shown the light to remember he would return once more and fully restored I would already be the product of God’s grace. At 18 God whispered to me, “You will share the story of Job.” My life grew to be absent of everything and God ascertained in me the gift of picking up my cross and following my creator. I am so much more without those things. When my treasure is placed in God, I have a defender that will use his power through my feeble body.

Blessed be the light of God which never goes out even when we think all hope is lost. To those who’ve lost everything try to understand that there was a predestined plan put into place before you were born into this world. God never has to improve our lives. He cries out incessantly, “It is done!” To his children and he doesn’t turn us away for, once again, his plan in us was predestined.  Our ignorance was carved before we were born and God planned this so that our experiences would draw us into being the salt of the earth.  God feels rewarded when you give him your undivided love and attention. God takes the lead in all areas of your life. You can live with a new heart and with a purpose that is placed upon an uncontested pedestal.

Thank you reading my blog today. I am really starting to fully enjoy sharing what I have to say more than ever before. I am a small being used by a force greater than myself. God grants greatness for all of our lives. Remember that the words of our creator are true, the meek will inherit the earth. There is purpose for the many heartbreaks and lonely feelings you’ve felt and here is the cold truth, those feelings may continue. My advice, leave it all up to God to sort out the junk in his timing. Summit yourself before your master and all will be made whole. I am grateful that I am able speak of Gods power as it moves through every step in the spiritual planes and God can use me to display his greatest in this reality.

Like this post and be free to share your experiences. Also, follow my journey if you are in spiritual agreement with my messages and share with the links below. “We can find joy in all things,” Is my motto and I am here to prove it in the name of the Great I AM.

Little Things, Less Room For Change

A few nights ago I had my nephew compose a story for me about his day. I did this because he struggles with correlating what he thinks over what he has to say. Preeminent beyond my comprehension I want to nurture his spirit so he can reach his greatest potential in this reality. I was enthralled, the beginning of his story was both passionate and evocative. Every morning he wakes up, brushes his teeth and tongue (in his words), gets washed up, travels down into the kitchen to make breakfast for himself, takes a nap or entertains himself by watching YouTube or playing video games until his sister comes to pick him up to take him to school. In his own words I could feel his descriptions as he was preparing himself during his morning routine.  More than anything in my life I adore my Nephew. We have a kindred bond that can never be broken and I learn from him every day. I see so much of myself in my nephew. I made a vow to myself that night; I will help propel his inner being to concur his ego for, something we cannot see doesn’t have to be illustrated. The little things will have you caught in the middle of building a solid foundation in many areas. Today I will focus on three areas that are most affected: family, the relationship with self and the greatest of all, our life purpose.

I’ve watched a lot of programming and one of the phrases I’ve collected was “grey areas”. Grey areas involves terms and conditions that may not suit you if the terms and conditions are not met. The little things that we define in our life are the grey areas. Our love comes with terms and conditions and when the expectations are not met there is an early termination fee attached. The early termination fee works in reverse and begins to tear down our relationships. When the relationship with our family becomes broken we tend to consistently define the little things instead of focusing on the bigger picture. Our family members are the immediate reflections of ourselves. If there is one broken component in a machine it will not function properly. Likewise, with family if one member descends into a broken nature the entire ship will begin to sink. That is a loaded gun description. Not one person can stand strong forever if there are no familial foundations. When the attention is on “reasons” we begin to lose sight of what should be valid and that is to build bridges over anything that doesn’t elevate appreciation.

Mental Analysis seeds ideas into the pituitary gland and the pituitary gland processes those ideas and turns them into what we call human emotion. At a specific stage in my life I lost focus on greater things and chose to believe that I would never achieve my dreams. With no doubts I believed I was grotesque, imprudent, and obese. My dogmas kept the record of discord on repeat until the day I was awakened from a very long slumber; thoughts become reality. With all this new-found wisdom I’ve discovered that the reality that I’ve been part of for 36 years was false. When you wake up in consciousness you instantly become crushed because most of the responses you’ve collected in life was a lie. Conscious awareness can either lead you to your death or you can benefit by building a life filled with infinite possibilities. Knowing that you play an integral role in your fate speaks volumes of why it is important to have a positive relationship with yourself. When we have a limited relationship with ourselves we create boundaries by defining limitations which prohibits us from following through with our hopes and dreams. Become your own best friend by taking control and pulling away from the little things that keep you from becoming your greatest self. I think therefore I am.

When focus is off in the land of the forgotten we tend to lose sight of our purpose. If you keep defining lack and limitation in yourself, in family and friends, with work associates and complete strangers your purpose will be further than you would like, so you must expect an array of disappointments. Those disappointments should force us to thrive but, we were programmed to define every detail and live in a reality where emotions rule the majority of the populace. I am certain I came to experience life by seeking first the kingdom of heaven from within. The kingdom is always present and mourns with us throughout our darkest experiences. The kingdom wants us to use its infinite wisdom to fulfill the true purpose we were designed to complete in this life. We must use the reality around us as our stepping stone to propel us into next level experiences. Next level experiences leads us to abundance beyond our wildest dreams.

I live to launch rockets of desire in myself and I am grateful that I am able to do the same for my family, friends and those I have yet to meet. My advice, never allow details to limit your relationships with your family, friends, co-workers, strangers and most importantly yourself. It is difficult for purpose to navigate when limitations are present. Remember that whatever is broken can only be repaired by love and appreciation.

Thank you so much for visiting! Like this post and leave a comment if you feel moved to do so. Follow my journey and share with the links below.

Be Free of Little Things,


Internal Love Affair, The War Has Just Begun

Today’s blog contains extremely low vibrational energy. However, I am on a journey to heal and work through all of my experiences. There are very few things that are perplexing to me. One: I am not a fan of people who are mendacious for selfish reasons. Two: I don’t like to dwell on situations that don’t replete me. Three: I don’t always understand my forgiveness. And Four: The final thing that perplexes me is why God would ordain for someone to go through a life filled with rejection. When you are rejected you really feel impartial to believing that there is purpose for your life. If I am to be honest I know that I don’t want to feel like my own breath is against me but, how can you have hope when people only care about their excuses over their mistreatment of others. There are many situations where I have walked away depraved and I can’t even count the moments where I thought about resolving how I felt by ending my life. When people bestialize me it creates internal distress and the centralized war is defined for me as truth that some people have no compassion and are cowards so it is better to remain eschew where it is safe.

The idea of being alone feels counterfactual with my spirit. I believe that there is an alternative lesson that I can grasp. I can no longer count the times I’ve traveled back to my past relationship only to be front and back stabbed by a repeat offender. When I try to move forward alone, I survive. Eventually I start to meet new people and for reasons I can’t comprehend things will go great for the first few weeks with someone new but, as quick as reality shifts from day to-night the men I talk to end up changing or I will change. One day they no longer speak to me and ignorance is justification for how I am treated and this is something that extenuates my will to place my faith in people. If I am being honest with myself, this used to make me feel like leper.

I spoke with my mother and a friend of mine today and told them that if people are going to be egotistical then I’d rather not associate myself with them or anyone. I sometimes don’t know if I should focus on what’s detrimental to relieve all the discomfort in my heart or attempt to dismiss the idea that I am hurt by the transgressions of others. I’ve learned that ignorance is not bliss for me. I know I must think outside the box so that I can discover a way to construct fortitude by not being vindictive in the process. I’ve learned in life that if something hurts it needs to be healed. In the past I worked on weight management, I became deeply involved with religion, I tried getting to know people on an amicable level, I played lots of video games, wrote and sang my own music material, watched comedies and daydreamed liked crazy. When I write I am able to release how I am feeling most of the time. What can I do when I feel I’ve tried everything?

Let’s make one thing very clear, I trust no one and I do believe this is the genesis of why people back away from me. I comprehend that if I’ve affirmed that outer trust will never exist then I need to expect that there is an internal fragment of my trust that will be missing. Basically, I am caught in a give/get effect. My way of turning distrust around is by staying present even when I am dismissed. I will always say hello to people and communicate with them. I swear I wrestle with my spirit constantly because I know that I could be setting myself up for disappointment. In the back of my mind I know that there is a looming possibility that who I communicate with will stop talking to me. I’ve had many self-fulfilling prophecies and the thing with that is this: Anything self-fulfilled may not be 100 % true.

I’ve read everything from The Secret to The Bible, Followed Churches to Non-Denominationalism, Scrapped lyrics from Hip-Hip to Indie-Rock, & Followed You Tube Guru’s to meeting American minds who are our greatest treasures and I’ve collected thus far is that there will be times when we won’t have all of the answers. Desperation brought me to my knees and I will have to continue to endure the pain. God is present through the pain, the tiny streams I’ve cried, my disappointments, & my hopes. The answer for these tears I am certain I will reap what God has sewn in me. I will let the deflectors be part of my Alley-oop dance. I am God’s little bird. I find God while walking on the beach, hiking in Valley Green, journeying or while singing a song. These activities help me to remember that God will repay all I’ve lost.

When life becomes threatening, its ok God loves you more than you can understand. There is a universal law present in all of us. I call this presence God but, this spirit goes by many names and our own ignorance could NEVER escape this unconditional love. This love allows us to See Sunlight and keep that light even at night. Forevermore, this love permits us to connect with our inner reflections. I am 100% certain I will be speechless when my payment arrives. My advice for anyone when you are at the bottom, just keep moving. Expect to be taken advantage of, walk in love, expect more pain to come. If you shoot for the stars be prepared to have your heart-broken and finally, GIVING UP is never an option.

With all of my gratitude through God’s love, I thank you for visiting today. If you like this post and would like to leave a comment I would love it if you did so. Also, follow me on my journey and share with the links below.

Rebirth in God’s Omni-Present Love,


Masters of My Universe

Today I had an incredibly intense conversation with my mother about the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland. Basically, when these two systems malfunction the degradation of the way we operate will begin at the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus sends signals to the pituitary gland so that it can direct hormones into the bloodstream that help to regulate important parts of the body like the skin, kidney functions and our reproductive organs. The hypothalamus and the pituitary gland are that masters of the physical and spiritual parts of who we are. In many ways the duo tag team for the bodies defenses but, because we are made of love each will die in our honor. This to me means that if I accept this as is then I should turn in the keys to my spiritual freedom and my purpose. We must take responsibility of the gifts God gave us. God gave me life so that I could have it more abundantly. Today, I learned ways to benefit from a properly functioning pituitary gland and hypothalamus.

The first thing I learned was through watching a YouTube channel I follow called  Infinite Waters Diving Deep created by YouTuber Ralph Smart. Most, if not all, of his videos for positive change begin with what we eat. Ralph Smart is dedicated to physical and spiritual wellness and he advises that having a healthy plant and fruit based diet will help to cleanse your physical body. Behind the scenes the subconscious starts to accept that the foods that we are eating, when they are in a food category that is good for us, are actually helping to prolong the physical body. The nutrient-rich foods we eat also help to elevate our spiritual nature. The  hypothalamus takes in everything from the world. If your world has anything outside of the kingdom of heaven expect it to crumble. Taking in a diet rich in leafy greens, vitamins such as vitamin D, E, A, chromium and Quercetin flush toxins out of the hypothalamus and pituitary glands. I also believe in the power of the super foods Spirulina and Chlorella. Both are fresh water algae and contain complete, better than animal, protein and other nutrients such as essential fatty acids, carbohydrates, vitamins, antioxidants and fiber. The hypothalamus & pituitary gland need these vitamins and minerals to stay healthy. So, it is in our best interest to live in wealth and gain more control over the maintenance of having a healthy body.

I’ve learned that meditation can transform the state of your heart. In college I read about these Tibetan Monks who were able to control their body temperature just by meditating. A healthy hypothalamus can send life-giving information to the pituitary gland and put a whole new spin on the reality we call fever. I know I am definitely more intrigued by the way tears are formed but, that is for another blog. When we meditate we are interacting with the universe. We place our egos aside when we decide to let go and trust God. When we trust in God meditation completes the cycle of appreciation and by grace all of our earthy parts are made whole. Whenever I can I like to drive to a place where I can connect with nature. When I am surrounded by the forest of Gods love my distractions are put on pause. Through meditation I learn how to appreciate the abundance of the love gifted by God. When we meditate we heal the hypothalamus and pituitary gland. This is when we begin to open the third eye.

A few years ago I lost a lot of weight. I try my best to not focus on the past because forced focus can turn into a crutch. No one can move forward when they are too focused in the past. I am what people call plus-sized and the face of what Americans are told to accept as a reality. I don’t think we should shame anyone for being different but, when you try to force feed the masses most will choke or regurgitate different behaviors. Most of those behaviors end up hurting those who are stereo-typically different. I proudly say that I am an expert of knowing what it feels like to be rejected because people don’t understand you and you don’t even understand yourself. What I didn’t know was that my discomfort with myself was trying to teach me a lesson on how to love the life I was given. I have to eat well and exercise often. Doing so heals the two masters and I get to shed a few pounds in the process. Eating better does lead to losing weight and studies are starting to show that the hypothalamus is the true champion in weight management. Happy hypothalamus, happy life.

Today I initially started to search for what activates tear ducts. I was then guided to look up information about the functions of the pineal gland. Then I asked myself the question, what makes us cry when we are in pain? Shortly after, I found this  article online about the pituitary gland which coincidentally lead me to an article about the benefits of a healthy hypothalamus. When you knock the door really is opened for you. I believe God divinely works in our favor if we allow God to take the lead. In turn God needs us to trust that all is well, all the time. Be grateful for every heartbeat and discover ways to live well and have the opportunity to be one now with our creator. The hypothalamus controls the way our guidance system behaves and it is most exceptional that we have some control over our human GPS.

Thank you for visiting and reading my blog today. Like this post and other archived work and be open to express your intent. Follow me on my journey and share with the links below.

Become Your Own Master,


What The Little Girl Taught Me

This morning I put on the Goonies Theme song and I was immediately transported to my childhood when I closed my eyes. I felt my curious heart center come to life as the mysterious melody traveled from hemisphere to hemisphere in my brain. To titillate what I felt as a child I decided to search and listen to the theme song for The Neverending Story. It is great to remember the times I used envision myself flying off to magical lands when I was a little girl. I’ve taken explorations around the world, defeated darkness while surfing the clouds, flew on dragons and  I was an honorary Worst Witch. I had something so great in me as a child that I often don’t appreciate as an adult; I believed that anything was possible and joy would most likely be the probable outcome to any situation I had to face in this life. I had this unwavering faith that I find remarkable. I am always trying to look back and see what lessons I could teach my younger self. Now is the time for me to look forward and allow my inner child to teach me a lesson on how to live a life of pure imagination.

I can easily look back and think of ways to correct my downfalls. Like the times I gave up on singing or when I was told I wasn’t college material.  I can think of the encouraging advice I would give myself when life was difficult to process. Yes, I would encourage the little sunflower that I once was but, I have to be honest and ask, can I really? In my truth, I spend most of my time second guessing my next moves and arguing amongst myself when I need to speak freely. I hold my head downwards often and I am not always accepting when I am challenged to come out of my comfort zone which, only has room for a solitary life. I spend most of my time looking in the mirror and repetitiously pointing back at myself  with the world as my reflection telling me that love can never live inside because too much hate is focused externally. Misguided forgiveness excessively tangles itself in my heart so, I can’t accept who God created.

As I continue to connect with my inner-child I sense that 8-year-old me needs to knock some wisdom into my subconscious. Life for me at the moment is uneven. I feel like I am experiencing a million sunrises  and sunsets in less than one minute. I am spiritually uneven and I need to be cleansed. When I begin to worry about where I will be in the next five years or even the next five minutes I start to see my life moving towards the end much quicker than I would like. I start to lose hope in all of my worldly relationships including a relationship with myself. Sometimes I abhor accepting this level of truth for it is not easy to share what will ultimately be judged. For years I was told to bottle up what I felt because if I wasn’t careful someone would judge me. I nurtured this idea and as a result I suffered greatly. I endured a life of lack and limitation because I cared more about what people would think. By choosing not to live my truth I developed low self-esteem and I became the unseen, unheard, untouched broken young woman people see today.

At 8 years old Miya loved to use her imagination to compose the world around her. She created plays with her toys and allowed them to be her audience when singing at her sold out concerts. She saw bits and pieces of the nasty reality around her but, her faith never wavered. She got up everday feeling flushed with excitement because she knew that she would be venturing off to some distant fantasy in Never Never Land or A Land Called Far Away. Miya was too busy creating galaxies while the news kept preaching that the world was ending. When the virtual era crept in she took advantage and started to become a badass at playing video games. In her last year of high school something changed her fate. This fate made her who she is today. She tells me that I must remember that I came here for a purpose and to never become an old woman filled with regret. She tells me that I am the grand architect and to never let anyone roam free controlling my inner labyrinth. Loud and clear she calls for me to break free and PLAY.

When you play you start to find the joy in every experience even when you stump your toe. You may say ouch but, after the pain is over you know that all is well in your soul. I struggle with my memory and as a result I tear myself down when I have to open my mouth to speak or when I write my blogs. I create life ending scenarios and panic due to the belief that I am idiotic. By choosing to play my brain becomes this dark and twisted complexity that only I get to solve. I can grab a flashlight and clear out all of the cobwebs and infinitesimal calamitous creatures. As I move through the maze I confront my fears and make them work for me instead of against me one by one. The greatest of all, the inner workings of my mind now becomes a kingdom as I map out my life creatively. I am ready to harvest all that I’ve kept locked away.

I have been blessed because I’ve experienced equal amounts of joy and pain. Now is the time I make use of the fertilizer that was the pain I survived. If you have a story where you survive and know you live to tell it you sacrifice everything that you think you have to hold onto. With better understanding you hold on when you get love and then let go when you give it. With sacrifice there is pain but that pain should teach you to let go and continue to dream by the power of love especially when things don’t look familiar. Allow love to direct the broken pieces and know that love can never fail. Little Miya needs me to grasp that I can never leave who I was behind if my true dreams are to materialize. I was never afraid to say what I needed to say when I was younger. If I want my true voice to return the child in me must resurface so she can be cognizant in my thoughts when I write and in my actions when its time to pay it forward.

Thank you very much for reading my blog today. How many of  you connect to your inner child to create the world around you? I would love to hear your stories. I am but a young grasshopper who is eager to learn  new ways to create a more meaningful and abundant life with the time I have now. Like or comment on this post and please share with the links below. Also, if you believe in my message follow me on my journey as I venture into different territories to  live a life of joy through all of life’s experiences.

Rebirth Adolescence,