This morning I put on the Goonies Theme song and I was immediately transported to my childhood when I closed my eyes. I felt my curious heart center come to life as the mysterious melody traveled from hemisphere to hemisphere in my brain. To titillate what I felt as a child I decided to search and listen to the theme song for The Neverending Story. It is great to remember the times I used envision myself flying off to magical lands when I was a little girl. I’ve taken explorations around the world, defeated darkness while surfing the clouds, flew on dragons and I was an honorary Worst Witch. I had something so great in me as a child that I often don’t appreciate as an adult; I believed that anything was possible and joy would most likely be the probable outcome to any situation I had to face in this life. I had this unwavering faith that I find remarkable. I am always trying to look back and see what lessons I could teach my younger self. Now is the time for me to look forward and allow my inner child to teach me a lesson on how to live a life of pure imagination.
I can easily look back and think of ways to correct my downfalls. Like the times I gave up on singing or when I was told I wasn’t college material. I can think of the encouraging advice I would give myself when life was difficult to process. Yes, I would encourage the little sunflower that I once was but, I have to be honest and ask, can I really? In my truth, I spend most of my time second guessing my next moves and arguing amongst myself when I need to speak freely. I hold my head downwards often and I am not always accepting when I am challenged to come out of my comfort zone which, only has room for a solitary life. I spend most of my time looking in the mirror and repetitiously pointing back at myself with the world as my reflection telling me that love can never live inside because too much hate is focused externally. Misguided forgiveness excessively tangles itself in my heart so, I can’t accept who God created.
As I continue to connect with my inner-child I sense that 8-year-old me needs to knock some wisdom into my subconscious. Life for me at the moment is uneven. I feel like I am experiencing a million sunrises and sunsets in less than one minute. I am spiritually uneven and I need to be cleansed. When I begin to worry about where I will be in the next five years or even the next five minutes I start to see my life moving towards the end much quicker than I would like. I start to lose hope in all of my worldly relationships including a relationship with myself. Sometimes I abhor accepting this level of truth for it is not easy to share what will ultimately be judged. For years I was told to bottle up what I felt because if I wasn’t careful someone would judge me. I nurtured this idea and as a result I suffered greatly. I endured a life of lack and limitation because I cared more about what people would think. By choosing not to live my truth I developed low self-esteem and I became the unseen, unheard, untouched broken young woman people see today.
At 8 years old Miya loved to use her imagination to compose the world around her. She created plays with her toys and allowed them to be her audience when singing at her sold out concerts. She saw bits and pieces of the nasty reality around her but, her faith never wavered. She got up everday feeling flushed with excitement because she knew that she would be venturing off to some distant fantasy in Never Never Land or A Land Called Far Away. Miya was too busy creating galaxies while the news kept preaching that the world was ending. When the virtual era crept in she took advantage and started to become a badass at playing video games. In her last year of high school something changed her fate. This fate made her who she is today. She tells me that I must remember that I came here for a purpose and to never become an old woman filled with regret. She tells me that I am the grand architect and to never let anyone roam free controlling my inner labyrinth. Loud and clear she calls for me to break free and PLAY.
When you play you start to find the joy in every experience even when you stump your toe. You may say ouch but, after the pain is over you know that all is well in your soul. I struggle with my memory and as a result I tear myself down when I have to open my mouth to speak or when I write my blogs. I create life ending scenarios and panic due to the belief that I am idiotic. By choosing to play my brain becomes this dark and twisted complexity that only I get to solve. I can grab a flashlight and clear out all of the cobwebs and infinitesimal calamitous creatures. As I move through the maze I confront my fears and make them work for me instead of against me one by one. The greatest of all, the inner workings of my mind now becomes a kingdom as I map out my life creatively. I am ready to harvest all that I’ve kept locked away.
I have been blessed because I’ve experienced equal amounts of joy and pain. Now is the time I make use of the fertilizer that was the pain I survived. If you have a story where you survive and know you live to tell it you sacrifice everything that you think you have to hold onto. With better understanding you hold on when you get love and then let go when you give it. With sacrifice there is pain but that pain should teach you to let go and continue to dream by the power of love especially when things don’t look familiar. Allow love to direct the broken pieces and know that love can never fail. Little Miya needs me to grasp that I can never leave who I was behind if my true dreams are to materialize. I was never afraid to say what I needed to say when I was younger. If I want my true voice to return the child in me must resurface so she can be cognizant in my thoughts when I write and in my actions when its time to pay it forward.
Thank you very much for reading my blog today. How many of you connect to your inner child to create the world around you? I would love to hear your stories. I am but a young grasshopper who is eager to learn new ways to create a more meaningful and abundant life with the time I have now. Like or comment on this post and please share with the links below. Also, if you believe in my message follow me on my journey as I venture into different territories to live a life of joy through all of life’s experiences.
Rebirth Adolescence,
Miya
The Happy Nappy Project 