Caught between Love and Conditions

There was once a time in my world where I used to believe that true love was being kissed by a prince and then awakening from a curse of deep slumber. To dive in a little deeper I believed that a man would save me from some unknown enemy and the gift he would give would be his undying love and without his love I would be ruined. I think there are millions women who might have believed love was the same as my former definition. I also believed that other women would only be a threat to that love. A few years ago I remember talking to a friend about what I call the Disney Princess Curse. This is a curse that all young girls are subjected to by watching movies like Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. I admire Walt Disney for creating these films but, it is time to detangle the web of lies. Little girls become women who seek after the same childhood fantasies and I’m sorry to the late Walt Disney but, the love we were taught as young girls was mystified by an inaccurate definition. We must love ourselves but, how when we’ve never been shown the right way?

I used to have this fantasy where I would meet the man of my dreams on a stage while singing at my sold out concert. My dream guy would walk onto the stage, kiss me and profess his adoration and that was my image of the phrase, “And they lived happily ever after.” No fights to work through or break ups to get over just a happy ending. As I grew older I thought I lost my fantasy when I started to choose men by the contents of their character. After I became better acquainted with a guy I would link together all of my childhood fantasies by believing in true loves kiss and just like that, a savior was born in my eyes. I have been living  in a deceptive world made of smoke, magical dust and mirrors. I learned from the trance I was under that love was a physical definition and because of this I missed out on loving myself for 36 years.

I’ve written a few blogs about the importance of self-love and as I continue to grow in my journey my definition of the fantasy dissipates. I am sure most people has heard of the song lyrics, “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” It’s ironic because I looked for love in every place that didn’t include myself. The world teaches little girls that what you look like on the outside is most significant. The world confides in the minds of little girls that we need to hate one another and be blind to the fact that we are only hating ourselves. It is up to us to pull each other up by the lowest common denominator and start praising every female we encounter. When you give love it finds its way by coming back around.

My ability to love the self became an impossible task. I kept defining conditions that pointed to worthiness. I grew up complacent in knowing with certainty I would never be attractive because my nose was too big, the gap between my teeth was repulsive and I have been living in the land of negatively labeled plus-sized women for most of my life. I even went through bouts of hell for not being articulate every time I opened my mouth. The struggle was real but, the real part of the struggle was only an impression I chose not to see. In effort to deprogram my thoughts of self-hate I am looking at all of the barriers I position in mind when I attempt to love myself. In a way I can feel the layers peel from how I used to primarily view my life. The worlds definition of love teaches us to never be satisfied with who we are.  Love goes beyond any definition because it has no limits.

Last night I had a very tiny wakeup call while thinking about my past experiences with men. I used to blame men for not treating me with decency. I held a grudge in my heart and as time passed the hatred I felt transitioned into defeat and I began to tell myself I wasn’t worthy enough to be respected. Encouragement can only get you so far. I recognized that I had to examine the conditions I placed and create a plan of action that will improve my self-worth. I must eat better and exercise my mind, body and spirit. A wealthy body is a healthy body. It is ok to look appealing with makeup as long as the glistening persona doesn’t blind the ego for, looks do change. On the same token, it is ok to get my hair done and wear nice clothes but, the definition is checked at the door so that I am able to confront my truest self. This is the period I love all of me and rely on the universe to guide me to my transcendent match in the department of love. When people disregard my worthiness I recognize that I authorized the treatment by showing them where I stand in self-love.

Love has been tarnished in songs because people struggle with its definition and the mind becomes trapped in a box surrounded by conditions.  Love Is a Battlefield, is a song by Pat Benatar that makes me think love struggles. Also, The Spinners sold the message that Love Don’t Love Nobody (It Takes A Fool). Love could never struggle because it is the undisputed champion of the universe and even darkness can’t destroy what love brings. The Spinners were wrong, love does love everybody and that’s too much for the mind to comprehend. Let go of every condition and began to feel that we were all born to be free. Thank you for visiting my page. Please like, comment and follow The Happy Nappy and fill free to share with the links below.

Be encouraged,

Miya

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