In effort to bring a little comfort in these dark days I love to put on a comedy and laugh until I cry. Laughter is good for the soul. My latest binge has been the show How I Met Your Mother. In my opinion, this show is relevant for adults around my age group from their late 20’s to early 40’s but, forever more this show is perfect for me to watch at this stage of my life. When I watch anything now I am aware of the intent of the programming and for that reason I won’t watch anything that isn’t a positive spiritual investment. As I evolve I can only imagine that I may completely severe the ties of the programming I allow in my life currently. But, this isn’t a blog post about illustrated lies told to our vision or suggestive programming from the music we listen to.
This is a post about How I Met Your Mother Episode 620 titled “The Exploding Meatball Sub”. In this episode The five characters in the show, Ted, Marshall, Lilly, Barney and Robin were having a discussion about Graduation Goggles. Graduation Goggles occur when a relationship of any kind is coming to a close and suddenly you unveil all the heartfelt moments. What you hated about the person or situation all of a sudden isn’t that bad. All you can reminisce upon are the good times you’ve experienced. The pain of letting go severs a chord deep inside the human heart and rather than us facing what we need to say goodbye to we hold onto it dearly even when it starts to hurt.
I experienced Graduation Goggles through every breakup with my ex . I never had a problem exploring new possibilities regarding my employment and I have never dwelled too long on other relationships that had to come to a close but, the Graduation Goggles for my ex has always called me into a room where I am tortured with memories of the good times we’ve had and what could have been. Graduation Goggles are like stitches after a surgery and one day those stitches have to come out to avoid infection. Once the stitches are removed the initial pain returns and when you have to clinch onto a soft surface you wish the stitches could have stayed just to avoid the slow burn of a wound that has to be rejuvenated.
My Graduation Goggles always focused on who he was when we first met and the changed man he positioned himself as when he asked to return. In truth, he and I were definitely not meant to be together for the long haul. He has characteristic traits whose dominance and inferiority are off-balance. I am very susceptible to the human heart. I’ve recognized long ago that I am no Super Girl but, I love to feel like I can atone fractured tenderness. When the flesh attempts to wrestle against the flesh both die. I can’t correct what is not meant for me to correct, that is titled under God. In his defense I wasn’t crazy about being a step-mother to his children nor was I a willing participant when catering to his beck and call like I was some Stepford Wife. I digress, The Graduation Goggles missed those key facts when it was time to let go.
A few days ago I felt we had our final goodbye. All I’ve ever wanted from him was the truth. I love and accepted this man for all he was and I thank God for that. For the past 10 years that we’ve been playing this dance I’ve known that he was in love with his long-time high school sweet heart. I knew that his heart wanted to hold onto me for selfish reasons. Misunderstanding unconditional love I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. This final time I re-examined my Christ-like deeds and thought God was telling me that it was time to say goodbye to this wonderful being one last time. God took hold of my ego and said, “It’s ok now let me handle this.” For years I used to question why God would allow me to be crushed like a worthless insect in the department of Love. The other day I was finally able to see how opposite our ways and God’s ways are. I can hear God speak to me and he says, “Give me your heart and I will take up this cross for you. I have something waiting for you and you are worth more than all the riches of this world.”
Through it all God used me for a greater purpose. What I expect for myself is amplified by God and knowing this allowed me to accept that the time had come for me and my ex to say goodbye one last time. God gave me the peaceful ending I’ve always wanted with my ex. All of the other break-ups were violent and left a lot unresolved pain. I worked at mending my broken heart with a man whose path was not in my direction. There were no mistakes because this was ordained by a higher calling. Writing this blog dispositions my will at times but, who can say their will is greater than Gods.
My tears are evidence I’ve survived my deceitful heart. Unconditional matters can only be taken up by the Alpha and the Omega. I can see clearly now that I know my rain is controlled by a God who is the Master of perfect timing. When we graduate it means we’ve learned all we can and we must move onward on life’s path. We are going to think about all of the good times and what could have been but, there is one thing in life our hearts can never come between; fate. Life is designed perfectly in God’s order. Keep those good times close to help you understand love through each departed experience. I’ve gone through the fire and have been blessed with many exits. From this day forward I will dwell in the house of the Lord.
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Live in Love,