In the hour of darkness we must be a testament of strength for ourselves. Over the past months I have really learned a lot about the powers of the subconscious mind. I was able to apply much of what I learned to my daily life. My work life did improve and I was happy with the way my life was turning out. Then one day I was faced with a challenge. I was ready to give up on my writing. I felt that I was not where I wanted to be and I had no right to input my opinions on how anyone should live a happy life. Darkness can be a blind spot if we allow it. I nearly allowed the blind spot of darkness to force me to quit. I knew my spirit was being challenged but, I still let how I felt be the ruler of my thoughts and actions. This weekend I felt as if I were in a prison of disparity. Every time I tried to write there was always something or someone who I allowed to intervene with my creative space and at the end of the day I have no one else to blame but myself. All in one moment what looks good can be proven to be not as good for you as you may hope.
Last Monday I reached what felt was the highest peak of joy and excitement. I met someone and it felt good to talk to someone whom I thought I matched well with. The conversation was good, we had a lot in common and the funny thing is, in the back of my mind I still felt like something was off. I did not allow my thoughts and actions to match doubts. I only thought that it was better to get to know the individual before any feelings became involved. As it did turn out after a video chat I came to the conclusion that I was not his cup of tea and at first his ignorance towards me did affect how I felt about myself. I started to think of everyone else that has ever rejected me. After those thoughts I began to fall apart.
This rejection was different for me because the guy portrayed himself to be a gentleman. The only explanation I was given after he stopped talking to me was that sometimes he stops talking to people with little to no explanation and his actions did not have anything to do with me. Normally I can respect this as a given answer for, this is something I can do and have done but, I always will let a person know proir to my disappearing acts. Also, I know plenty of people who go AWOL for no reason other than they need time for themselves. I thank God daily for discernment because this time around I was able to see past what he wanted me to think. I used to wonder why people could not be courteous enough to just say how they really felt but, that is not my battle. I think the biggest lesson is for me to remember that how someone else treats me has nothing to do with who I am nor does it determine my worth and greater it will never affect the life of purpose God has for me.
It is important for me to go over my experience with someone I barely knew. I only knew the information that was given by his friend and the type of individual he claimed he was. I have never wrote while I was in the thick of wanting to give up. It is very easy to write about joy through joyous experiences but, when my faith was tested I thought of given up on my dreams. I had to ask myself what I was giving my dreams up for and in that question I received the right answer. I would have given up my dreams over one individual for hurting my feelings. He was the one who decided to not even talk to me after we spoke via video conference. He gave me little to no words through text messaging as if I was a person he did not want to speak to. Yes it can be hurtful for someone to treat you less than human but, that should never make anyone feel as if they have to walk away from building an abundant life of joy, peace and love.
When I thought of giving up I tied all of my past experiences to his behavior. I’ve had plenty of people who have walked in and out of my life for various reasons and his actions were no different. To seize the downward spiral I gave power to my subconscious and began to see the real light of the situation. Once again, whatever his reasons are his reasons and if he did not want to express how he felt after seeing me then that has to live with him and it is none of my concern. I guess I am learning a little for, what does not kill you makes you stronger and I can pay my tributes for all that I have learned through careless actions. I am able to take these truths away with me that do matter: I was not and am not searching for someone to spend the rest of my life with. I know that I will align with the person I most energetically connect with and nothing in life can ever be meant to banish me from living out my dream unless I give the authority.
I am grateful for the many seasons I have experienced on this earth. I positively look forward to the many more in the future unknown. I am very happy I live with the truth, always. Nothing can ever hurt another individual but, yourself. When we are not honest with others we are denying the right to give life through every encounter. I am aware of how people feel when they are rejected. I have been rejected many times in my life and I expect that more will come. I’ve lived with loneliness and rejection and flirted with the idea of suicide so, listen well to my advice. Whenever someone denies you remember that doesn’t mean you have to start denying yourself. Denial from a different perspective is never a bad thing. All it means is that there are parts of your energy and that others persons energy that do not align. Never take away the light you are just because someone else was not on the same vibe. All you must do; continue to seek the fountain of youth by letting your dreams come into fruition.
Thank you for visiting my site today. I really hope that I get to reach someone who may feel how I’ve felt not just last week but, my entire life so that I can help someone who may feel like their life has no meaning. I am here to say this isn’t true. I have a nephew who adores me and if anything were to ever happen to me he would be crushed. I know that there is someone out there that feels the same way about you. If you think that no does remember I do because I understand that we are all ONE. To all my brothers and sisters of the earth I give my love. The love I have in me wants to help spread the message of living a life of joy through all situations. As I go through these experiences I am grateful I am getting closer to my mark.
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Always persevere,
Miya
The Happy Nappy Project 