I took a few days off from writing. I had so much on my mind that it eventually began to fail to correlate words. For the past week I couldn’t even complete a sentence when speaking to my customers. I do technical support for business customers and every word that was produced from my mouth came out as complete mush. The mind really does need to rest. Another issue which plagued my mind; I was starting to feel like I didn’t have any friends. I danced with this idea and shared how I felt with a friend. She advised that I write about what I was feeling. What I told her I will share in this blog. It is important for me to address the feeling of loneliness.
It was always difficult for me to maintain friendships. Most of the people I’ve crossed paths with I was never able to fully maintain a true connection. Friendships in my past were always temporary. I did have a small group of female friends but, they too were only in the moment friendships. As soon as any of us got into relationships the friendship was gone. As I grew older, I discovered for myself that friendships were more important than being with someone I barely knew even in the present. I am open to the idea of being in a relationship with an awesome guy who happens to love to play video games and who is spontaneous in a healthy way but, I have a better understanding of what a friend truly means.
A friend is someone who will always be there in your life even when they have their own lives to manage. A friend will share your viewpoints and have similar aspirations. A friend will encourage you when you are ready to give up on life. A friend will never look down on you when you stumble through hard times. I am very lucky to have met two amazing women who I am proud to say are my friends. I will never discredit the friends of my past. As I continue to grow in love my life will be molded with friends who match where I am headed. With certainty I know I am headed in a positive direction where all my wildest dreams come true.
Loneliness became the bane of my existence. In my not so distant past whenever I felt lonely I would call my ex or follow some destructive path that would lead to more of my loneliness. I thought that I was unworthy of having healthy relationships and that thought was displayed through my actions for many years. I distanced myself from getting to know other females because of events that happened with females I thought were my friends. One time my God sister called a mutual male friend and told him that he should never mess with me because I was dirty. She also told him that I had an array of diseases. I witnessed her saying this when the guy had me three way in on a conversation he was having with her.
One group of girls who were a little younger than I was tried to jump me. I have never been able to achieve or sustain my ideal weight and one of the girls thought that it was ok to point out that I was fat and ugly. After I stood up for myself each girl ganged up on me. I was able to overpower their attack so, I ran to my car and in the end the girl who initiated the fight ran after me and threw a huge rock on my windshield. The rock nearly shattered my front window. Another incident involving my God sister was when she managed to convince everyone that I was jealous of her for not having a child. This was when we were teenagers. I learned at a young age people are easily influenced and having this knowledge can be frightening because many people will allow someone else to influence how they think.
For many reasons I’ve kept my distance from becoming or even maintaining friendships with females. It was always easier for me to connect with guys because they were so simple even though, I’ve had my issues with them as well. I am at a stage in my life right where I am open to connecting with people. After all of the mishaps in my life I am open to friendships. I am lucky I never closed that door because now I know some amazing people and I look forward to happy experiences. Yesterday I was able to hang out with people who love life. Calling someone friend isn’t important it is the experiences that you can create with people on the same path of wanting to enjoy life and all it has to offer.
I recall seeing the movie Eat, Pray, Love. The message of the movie helped me to see life differently. We can always reinvent ourselves. Sure, I’ve had some pretty rough experiences but, each experience made me stronger and every moment gives us all a chance to experiment different ways to enjoy life. If I am not laughing then I am not living and I understand that every moment won’t have happy endings but, good or bad its all worth the effort. I won’t allow my past to effect my future any longer.
I leave you with this advice. It’s ok to be fearful, but don’t ever allow fear to keep you from living life. With limited knowledge this is the only life we get why not enjoy every second doing what you love. Never allow the past to keep you distant from a better life waiting. What was will never serve what will be unless you authorize the past to effect your present. The present is all there is and until people realize this we will always be in danger of repeating our own history.
Long live rising above the hurdles also known as the issues of life. Thank you for visiting. If you like this post please press the like button or leave a comment. Also, feel free to share in the info box below.
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