When you have been kicked down repeatatively it leaves more than just a scar. You feel you are better off alone because the pain of getting to know someone only for the relationship to expire because you’ve learned that person is nothing like what they presented in the beginning of the relationship is taxing to the spirit. The last relationship I was in temporarily solidified my own reasons to stay away from men. For the past 10 years I created the viscous cycle of breaking up and making up with my ex. When the relationship finally ended it was because I started to love myself. In my early 20’s I read this book by Juanita Bynum called No More Sheets. The book focused on her expereineces with different relationships and how those relationships taught her how important it was to heal. When we don’t heal every person we date will have similar traits of those who have hurt us in the past. It does not matter if the man or woman appears to respect you, it will end simply because you haven’t healed. Love leads to healing and I want to address why healing is important on the road to being happy.
I mentioned how hard it was for me growing up in former blogs. To cope with the pain I always found ways to stay to myself. When I let people into my life they used me. For a very long time I used to always wonde why people would be so dismissive towards my feelings. I can recall many moments of crying in my room because I genuinely cared about people and their actions displayed the opposite of caring. I was raised to never judge a book by its cover. When I was exposed to the world the world taught me the opposite of how I was raised. When I began dating all of the men were 100% self-invested because I showed them I would sacrifice my happiness for them. To maintain control these men would tell me what I wanted to hear while showing me I would never be respected.
To modify who I chose to open up to I would classify what I wanted from a man. However, I was never taught that classifying would not make a difference. When you live with spiritual pain anything you want will be a wolf in sheeps clothing. I once dated a guy who I believed was apart of my destiny. He worked as a Network Engineer for the US Naval Base, was goal orientated, funny, loved video games, was willing to watch movies like Twilight and Harry Potter with me, provided excellent conversation, was supportive of my goals and the sexual chemisty was inexplicable. He was perfect, except for one thing, I didn’t love myself. Because I did not love myself he too began to take me for granted. We stopped going out and when he felt like having me around he would call me over to be his 10 pm-2 am, aka booty call.
The answer to treat all of my former relationships was self-love. I can’t be angry over someone treating me like a dog. I had to take responsibility for my own actions. I introduced the perspective that I am the total package because I know how to love others and finally I’ve learned how to love myself the right way. Self-love is more than getting your hair and nails done or keeping up with the latest trends. When I began to love mysef I affirmed that nothing could ever break me because I was the only one who owned that power. I retaught my understanding of self-love. I don’t have to look for triats in a mate because my spirit will automatically match my self-worth. I am healed from everyone that I allowed to hurt me because I now know that I was conspiriing against myself.
I urgently want people to know that love is the most imporant task for humanity. Like the two sides to life, love is also a two way street. Love is the answer to healing. To test where you are in the journey to self-love take a look at your surroundings and be reminded that everything on the outside is only a reflection of where you are spiritually. If you have been hurt in the past fix the pain by loving your spiritual being. When you began to love yourself be prepared for the battle because your love will be tested. Let love guide your actions for, with love you will find your healing. When we heal we can began making a difference in the lives of others.
I wrote about healing today because I want to make a difference. I know that sometimes we all get scared to share our inner pain with people we know or those we don’t know at all. Because of this, I felt it was important to let anyone willing to read this blog know that I am no celebrity and I am on the same path that we call life. Tell yourself that the battle is already won. If you truly want your life to change then you have to actively change it. If you want the agony to cease, know that you are already healed by the power of love.
To all my readers, once again, I thank you for visiting. If you have any suggestions on topics you would like me to discuss or would like to share your own experiences and advice please leave that info in the comments section. Also, click the like button and share with the links below. Finally, continue the path to happiness no weapon can conquer your faith because you are the key and the door to positive change.
Be blessed with happiness,
Miya
The Happy Nappy Project 