There are many things in life you are not going to understand. People will do wrong not because they can but, due to the lack of love inside of them. I’ve always loved Riding in Cars with Boys by Beverly Ann Donofrio. It’s a story of a woman who, like all of us, get so caught up with men and their spiritual principals. Her decision to take a journey to follow her dreams became all too real when she had her own son. So, like Ms. Donofrio, it is important I confront my issues with men. It isn’t important where I start but, I will try my best to begin where I believe the pain began. When I was about 12 I met a young man named Montell he was apart of the Youth of East Logan Drill team. My dad was heavily active in the drill team. Much of the time after practice the drill team would come to our house and just hang out on the steps or when it was cold we would be inside the house haning out and having fun. Much of the time the adults would be in the kitchen with doing whatever it is they did. We always had a lot of fun. Montell was the first guy I had ever kissed. I had these ideas in my head that he would be “the one”. Yes, at 12, I can’t make this stuff up. I’d like to take a brief moment to give my thanks to Disney & movies that portray the idea that a man will be by your savior. There are so many factors to my upbringing and programming has to be at the top of that list. I didn’t see any sparks fly. There was n happily ever after, no song birds or a cheerful talking companion to help me get the love I wanted. Montell had told me that I was his girlfriend and that he also had another girlfriend who was pregnant with his child. If I had any issue, this is where my low self esteem would have begun. I didn’t lose my virginity to this man conversely; I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. As an adult I can look back and laugh because now I understand that beauty is so much more than most can comprehend. I am one day closer to resolving the roots of my insecurity.
Who is the first person you have ever allowed to enter your journey? Did this person through you off track? Did insecurity develope after were involved with this person? Do you believe that programming and ones own upbringing play a part personal views of what love looks like?
I want to know the story of your first. Leave a comment below and we can discuss and heal. Until tomorrow! Continue you to live in the state of happiness.
The Happy Nappy Project 